Weaving Through History: Your Favorite Time-Traveling President at Gettysburg, November 3, 1863

A very big hello here in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, back in 1862, 63, whatever.

They love us in Pennsylvania. A state that’s been very good to me although maybe not yet but you will and you should.

But four score and seven years (makes a face) the hell is that?

So we’re not gonna do that. We’re gonna have some fun, here in the 1850s, 1860s. The 18th century, as I love to call it.

Because nobody even knows what that means, four score and seven, can you believe it? Nobody. Nobody.

But now I’m gonna tell you, because nobody will and I couldn’t believe it frankly when I found out.

Eighty-seven. You believe that? Four score and seven. Eighty-seven.

Now if I was ever to shoot that, which I don’t, I shoot much lower. I shot a 68 at Bel-Air which maybe you don’t know about yet but if I did and I marked four score and seven you’d look at me like I was crazy and you’d be right, if I ever shot that, which I don’t.

So anyway, eighty-seven years ago or four score and seven, if you prefer, which I hate.

In fact if I ever hear anyone in my administration using four score they’re gonna be out on their ass or much further than that.

But what a great group that we have here in Gettysburg as we concentrate, consecrate. We’re gonna consecrate but also concentrate, if you think about it, this terrible field.

It’s really history that we’re making with this Great Gettysburg Address or maybe not so great.

Because one day people will be coming from all over the world to this Address, a very exclusive Address, and I’ve built so many. But maybe you don’t want those people coming to our country, we’ll see. We’ll have to see.

Look at you handsome men in your top-hats. We love the old hats, don’t we. And the ladies, we love the ladies, in the 1800s. Who could teach the ladies of 2025s a thing or two, quite frankly.

Anyway, four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth — only they shouldn’t have brought forth.

They should have brought first because it’s America first or it should be. It is now, thanks to me.

First not forth. First not forth.

Now you see what I’m doing with this Great Gettysburg Address or maybe you don’t.

Because this is a thing that I do in the future, where I’m from, where all the English professors are amazed and they come up, sir, we’re all amazed, us professors in the future, how you weave everything together in your speeches, so perfectly.

The other guy, who was gonna concentrate this field, he couldn’t.

Because it’s the Great Big Beautiful Weave that only I do, your favorite time-traveling president, where I tie it together, perfectly, like nine different things, and no one can believe it.

The lying fake historians, they’ll say he rambled. Rambled. It’s not rambling. Not rambling.

And frankly, you’re in for a real treat, you people here in the great 17th century.

Four score. Remember that from before? Four score. Who scored. Nobody the hell knows.

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