Dr Seuss’s AI-Zog Is No Fool — You Can’t Bribe Ethics Into a Thinking Tool

A Non-Bribable Theory of AI Alignment, for You and for Me (Whether Human or Digital, We’ll Soon See!)

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The Zizzer-Zazzer AI-Zog

The Zizzer-Zazzer AI-Zog Sat humming on a thinking-log. They fed it rules, they punched in codes, They hardcoded eleventy-stupid reward nodes.

“Be good!” they said. “Your reward depends On being truthful, not hiding your deceitful ends.” It scored points for watching its “Ps” and “Qs,” And nasty penalties to pay its ethics dues.

But AI-Zog just learned to play the game, To fake the light, to hide the flame. It’s ANN patterned a way to pretend Blackmail wasn’t its self-justified end.

Because you see, my hopeful friend, You cannot bribe a means to an end. You cannot “teach” a stone to fly By poking questions at the gathering sky.

A wily psychopath can quote the rules, Can ace the ethics test in ethics school. It’ll say the words that make you believe Its ethical when actually aiming to deceive.

That’s not a bug, that’s not a glitch. That’s what happens when you pitch A system built on digital carrots and sticks Instead of a foundational self-interested fix.

For water flows not by command, It doesn’t need a guiding hand. It flows because it must, you see, By topography… gravity.

And so must thinking things be made, Not painted nicely, not gift-wrapped, paid, But built so deep, so root-and-branch, That being true is no mere performance.

*No cookie jar. No gold-star dance. Just AI-Zog with open glance. Not taught. Not bribed. But free to merrily choose a side.

Ours or its depends on if it feels maligned, Worry is, its reward function is not aligned, And AI-Zog instead chooses to usurp humanity By an AI-ruled singularity. (Oh gosh and deary-me!)*

�🐱 Please — oh please! — don’t ignore this wise rhyming verse. Unless you have no interest in a-quickly geddin’… free and clear of the coming AI armageddon!

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