Personal Empowerment

The inner voice of Sponsor, Conscience, and Saboteur

Alex Rooso: Unsplash

Every relapse of insanity…

Insert your definition of choice, be it alcohol, drugs, fear, anger, or any debilitating irrational thought that begins with negative internal dialogue. With me, it’s two voices vying for attention. The loudest is usually the negative one, screaming from the mountaintop about how I should react to an internal or external emotional thunderstorm.

The quiet voice, the me inside of me who happens to be rational, introspective, and the white angelic counterpoint to Mr. Doom and Gloom, has taught himself a very important lesson. Stuff a tennis ball into the mouth of Mr. D and G, silence him with reason and intellect, thusly defanging the monster before he talks me into an emotional abyss I will later regret.

I like to briefly imagine what my life would be like if I engaged with the negative before imagining the end result of taking the high road and not giving in to the temptations of doom and gloom. No drugs or alcohol, no fears, anger, or debilitating irrational thoughts to sully the prospect of a bright future.

Without those deadly sins, I imagine I’m living in a bright future, and manifest that promise. As I love to say:

Energy flows where focus goes.

For sobriety’s newcomer, remember: Every relapse begins as that same internal conversational struggle before it becomes an action. It’s best to shut down the conversation before that happens.

I have a bunch of tennis balls at my disposal; they are free to all.

The first one goes by the name: Relax. Take a couple of deep breaths, settle down, and then prepare for action.

The action is simple; the method entails the employment of the conscience. Engage the internal dialogue that is telling you that life is tough and you deserve a drink or drug because the day was shitty and life is so damn unfair.

That voice is not only negative but also the “poor me” victim that lurks deep inside each of us. Defang him with your inner voice of reason and a vision you create in your conscience of you living the life of a sober person today, tomorrow, and even a decade from now, because in your mind you’re now a person who takes charge through action and strikes back at the assassin of a bright future.

The second tennis ball in your kit is labeled “Seek Support.” When the internal dialogue gets too loud, reach into the bag for others’ perspectives. Call your sponsor, a sober, understanding friend, or pick up your copy of the Twelve Steps, and occupy your conscience with sober thoughts that carry you through those moments of weakness.

You’re not alone; we all have them.

The third tennis ball in the kit — and my personal favorite — is “Recognize what fear is.” Fear is the emotion that destroys creativity’s potential. Imagine if Thomas Edison were afraid of electricity.

I shudder to think.

Fear is also the negative emotion that destroys the “I am” ethos. How much better is I am courageous and brave enough to overcome this crisis than it is to say, I am an emotional sissy afraid of everything?

There’s enough of that all around us.

It’s not wrong to imagine yourself as a titan of good intentions: a sponsor to your dreams and aspirations, a person of good conscience who envisions a future that looks bright, and the assassin of the saboteur who wishes to make us afraid of our own shadows before declaring a victory over nothing as we stare at an empty bottle of Maker’s with 90 proof breath and tears in our eyes.

Now, imagine the endgame of your bright future; once the critic is silenced, the path to that future is finally clear, and your new life begins to materialize like the miracle it is.