Swearing

Swearing

Recently, I've noticed a few times that the little one gets very worked up and says, "I swear...!!!"

Afterwards, I had a chat with them. "Sweetheart, you don't ever need to swear an oath to anyone—not to Mom and Dad, and not even to yourself. I believe in you, and you need to believe in yourself too!

Dad's thought about it, and it seems like you swear in two kinds of situations. The first is when you want someone else to believe what you're saying. What you can offer them is your perspective, your actions, some evidence, or a demonstration of your passion. But whether the other person believes or trusts you depends entirely on their perspective, their experience, and even their mood at the time. That's their job, their business—it has nothing to do with us. We can't make that decision for them, and we shouldn't wait around expecting a specific conclusion from them. It's not that important for us. If they punish you because they don't believe you, at least we have a clear conscience. Ordinary punishments don't really matter anyway. If it gets serious, you come find Dad, and we'll figure it out together...

The second situation is when someone demands that you swear. That's emotional blackmail. Even if it's Mom or Dad trying to goad you into something, you don't need to react to our provocation, and you certainly don't need to swear. Usually, this happens because someone wants something from you. In that case, you should ask them: What are you offering in exchange? If you agree to the trade, then make a contract. If the risk is small, a verbal agreement between both sides is fine. But most of the time, the other person has nothing to offer in exchange because they just want to take advantage of you. In that case, just ignore them, or find a casual excuse to walk away.

Sweetheart, the word 'swear' carries an overly intense sense of passive obligation, or it has the emotional undertone of being manipulated. Mom and Dad really don't like that word. It just feels... nonsensical.

If you ever feel an extreme, desperate urge to do something, I hope it comes from a place of love and passion—like wanting to play Minecraft—rather than feeling forced into it by outside pressure..."

下面是中文原文:

发誓 最近发现，有几次娃会非常激动的说到“我发誓......！！！” 事后我找娃聊天，宝贝，你不需要对任何人发誓的，包括爸爸妈妈和你自己，爸爸相信你，你也要相信你自己！ 爸爸分析了一下，你发誓的情况有两种，一是你想让别人相信你说的话，你能给对方提供的是你的视角、你的行动，及一些证据或者向对方展示你的热爱；但对方是否相信和信任你取决于他的视角和经验，甚至他自己的情绪，这是他的工作，与我们无关的，那是他自己的事，我们无法替他做决定的，也不用期待他的结论，这对我们来说并不重要的，若他因为不相信你而处罚你，那至少我们也是问心无愧的，一般的处罚也无所谓的，要是严重了，你来找爸爸，我们一起想办法... 第二种是你被别人要求发誓，这是道德绑架，那怕是爸妈在激将你，你也不用理会我们的激将，更不需要发誓。这种情况一般是他想从你这得到某样东西，那你要问问他，他要拿什么来换，你若同意交换就签订契约，风险小的相互给个口头约定也行。一般对方是没有东西交换的，因为他就是想占便宜，无需理会，或随便找个由头走开就行。 宝贝，发誓这个词有者过于强烈的被动约束力，或被PUA的情感色彩，爸爸妈妈都不喜欢这个词，这个词有些不知所谓的感觉... 你若实在极端的渴望做某事，我希望你是出于对某事的热爱，比如玩我的世界，而不是被外界绑架着去做......