A MOODY MAVEN HIATUS BREAKER PRODUCTION

Halloween Advent Calendar Day Twenty-Nine

What can you expect to find when searching for a cutie patootie baby horse? A freaking dinosaur, that’s what!

If Hieronymus Bosch was a paleontologist… Valley of Gwangi promotional poster, modified in Paint

More giant creatures? Well, yeah! I told you my life is monstrously full of them. Now, if you will, join me for a trip back to Old Mexico — for hints of romance, betrayal, and super-de-duper scary stuff!

There I was, perfectly happy with my own rodeo, when my ex, Tuck Kirby shows up. I had had enough of Tuck when last I saw him, and still had enough of him when he scrabbled into my place of business. Then he saved Lope, so fine, I hated him less.

I know, I know, what was I thinking? I had broken up with the guy for “reasons.” So of course I show him my secret weapon for the rodeo. My tiny horse. He was so little and cute that I called him El Diablo.

Tuck the rodeo clown, happens to know this paleontologist that happens to be working in a “nearby Mexican desert.” So Tuck, still the upstanding example, sneaks the paleontologist in to see my tiny horse. He says, “Oh my goodness, that’s an Eohippus!” Like he was singing Old MacDonald.

Then an old Gypsy woman, Tia Zorina, sees it and because Gypsies are so well versed in Mexican curses, she orders the horse returned to Forbidden Valley.

And before you question Gypsies in a Mexican desert town, just remember this is a monster movie! And even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may meet Romani where the monsters are and get into a fight.

Once you’re settled that, you might ask yourself, “Wait a minute, I thought this was The Valley of Gwangi, not Forbidden?” And you would be correct to ask. But unfortunately for Gwangi, Forbidden had already trademarked the area.

Here is where things started moving fast. The Romani and the paleontologist broke into the rodeo and stole El Diablo. Carlos walks in on the theft. They clean his clock and then leave with the horse. Carlos returns to consciousness just as Tuck walks in and then accuses him of the theft! The little scamp!

We chase the bandits through a cleft in the rock leading into the Forbidden Valley. There we get harassed and hassled by a pterodactyl, an Ornithomimus, and even, I kid you not, a Styracosaurus!

Then the story really starts moving when we get attacked by an Alice-saurus, which I find a really dumb name for a boy dinosaur. Wait wait, my producer is talking in my ear… Oh! Of course! He tells me we don’t even know if it’s a boy dinosaur, so... Wait again, he’s back… I appologize, it's not Alice-saurus, it’s allosaurus. So the name changes from noble to something different.

We came for my little horse and captured an Allosaurus. Carlos got killed during the fight because we needed both tragedy and karma for the drama.

Then, trussed up like old King Kong, we brought Gwangi back to the rodeo to make the big bucks showing him off. A dwarf sneaks in to open Gwangi’s cage and gets eaten for more karma. Gwangi attacks the crowd where Tia Zorina gets smooshed for karma cubed.

Tuck saves the townies by herding them into a giant cathedral — because every tiny town needs one. But Gwangi had a multipass and gets inside.

Then Tuck scoots everyone back out and shuts the door, but not before he sets the stone walls afire. And since Gwagi’s multipass only worked one way, well, the town celebrated with BBQasaurus.

So how did it end? Well, if your ex showed up unannounced at your home and business, burned down your house, your neighbors’ houses, and the only real tourist attraction in town? What would you do?

Me? I remembered why I broke up with him the last time and gave him “strike two.”

A Rootin Tootin Meta Doodle

Did you really think I’d misspoke? So here I guess I’ll go for broke. The story will flatten If you miss the Latin Snuck in as a dinosaur joke.

~Aurelia Bliss

P.S. Yes, this is the movie “plot.” Translated directly from the original Nahuatl!

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Brand art by David Todd McCarty