I feel like I need to check in with myself but im scared to ask the question:

I feel like I need to check in with myself but im scared to ask the question:

What am I craving, Am I missing something? And if so do I have the momentum to try and find it.

I skip over the answer in my mind, constantly pushing it away trying to rewrite my truth in the matter, I am am missing something,

I am missing the feeling of intimacy, not in a sexual way but just intimate just the feeling of being close to another human, spending quality time with some one , the connection of both equally even being in love and wanting to share moments were you allow both and all your walls to be down and your soul to merge into one anothers, I miss the moments I once shared, I miss the moments of getting use to her heart beat and learning to slow mine down, I miss feeling her tempeture change as our hands interlocked, I miss the way she securly held mind, deeper like she was never going to let go, until she did. I can still feel that, grip, and in these moments they leave me feeling alone that I have not felt connected to anyone in the last 2 years, that fact that I have no allowed myself to truly rest or become close with anyone, the fact that I feel like no one fits, they don't fit the mold that you left. To be honest I am so lonely since you have been gone that I am constanly cold and feel so far away from everything and everyone. I have slept with a heating pad on since we broke up , even in the summer. I miss you. I miss feeling connected, I miss feeling recharged, I miss genuinely feeling safe and loved, seen and held. I am not sure if I will ever get to that level of connection with someone else but to be honest, that is what I am missing.