The Boy Inside

We grow up learning, observing, and analyzing those that come before us. The boy watches the man, the man watches the elder statesmen. Traditions, beliefs, and ideas grown from this simple rooted fact dating back thousands of years ago.

Without a discussion, without a choice the boy slowly develops into the man. There is no warning, there is no multiple choice question, this is our fate or destiny. It is what we say “ a part of life.” My question is does the boy die when he becomes a man and does the man die when he becomes an elder statesmen? I wonder this many times myself. The alarm goes off, eyes open, the dreariness and sadness that lies ahead in the next 18 hours of awake time often is enough to forget who the boy was. A man in his mid 30’s, does he identify with who he was as an eight year old? The thing that once brought him joy now delivers regret, pointlessness, and sometimes rage if he slows down enough to think about it. He might ask himself, why did I spend so much time on such a silly thing? What was I thinking? He rises out of bed to brush his teeth only to receive a notification his bank account overdrew. The brush feels heavier and the heaviness of his once youthful/playful energy slowly sets in.

I am not sure where the boy inside me went. Living alone in a rented apartment, shared with another man whom to has no companion to live/enjoy life with I can’t help but think there must be a better way to live. A may full way to live. A more joyful way to live. A way to live that doesnt start with a cup of depression and ends with a night on lonliness.

-BL