Mother News

Babies Coin New Acronym: MILK (Mother I’d Like to Keep)

A new generation reclaims the maternal bond, from borders to barns

Josie, Victor, Benny, and Phillip rattle-cry for MILK. Image created by author in Canva.

NURSERY, Texas (AP) — Babies rattle-cry for MILK (Mother I’d Like to Keep) just in time for Mother’s Day. The shorthand term was coined by 1-year-old Josie, who heard her wandering-eyed father using MILF to describe the mom next door.

“My daddy underestimates how quickly I absorb his vocabulary,” noted the tiny neologist. “I just had to alter the phrasing a bit to suit my mommy, who is, indisputably, a mother I’d like to keep.”

(Not a member? RFFH: Read for free here.)

“This new term is a boon for me,” said 10-month-old Benny. “I lack the verbal maturity to fully articulate my birthright, so now when Mommy leaves the room, I just project a single syllable at high decibel: MILK!” With a smile that might have signaled the release of gas, he added: “I think she likes it.”

In U.S. households with immigrant mothers, tots urgently clamor “MILK!” in the hopes of not being reclassified as “unaccompanied children” by the Office of Refugee Resettlement. “I’m still a mama’s boy at heart,” said 7-month-old Victor in Yuma, Arizona. “No matter what kind of papers she has or doesn’t have, she’s a MILK to me.”

Humans aren’t the only babies adopting the call. Phillip, a calf born into the dairy industry, cried “moooo” — meaning MILK — for days. His mother’s milk was pre-allocated to grown men who insist on drinking a baby cow’s beverage.

Got MILK? Calves don’t, but dairy-dependent dads do.

Despite the universal nature of the cry, some mothers staunchly oppose this antiquated reverence for the mother-child bond. They assert that it does not apply to everyone — including themselves, as they understandably worry about boob deflation. These women have launched a maternal liberation movement known as Moms Aren’t Gonna Allow it, or MAGA.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who refuse to participate in the practice of separating babies from their mothers. This growing group has come to be known as Very Empathetic Gals (and Guys) Awakened to the Nonsense. Babies are considering the term VEGAN for short.

Interested? You might have some MILK in you. For more information on joining the movement, visit Laughs Not Slaughs.

𝑆𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑒 𝐹𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑦 ✌️ is a writer, acronym enthusiast, and editor of **Laughs Not Slaughs**, where babies get to keep their mothers. She likes to think of herself as both a MILF and a MILK.

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