It’s So Easy to Be Jealous of Others

Because we only wish for their good times, not what goes behind achieving them.

Photo by Audrey Hoover on Unsplash

One morning, as I was making my bed, rather lazily, my phone buzzed, and I read my best friend’s message in our group. It read, “Guys, I am going to Seychelles!” with complementing dancing emojis. Now, this girl deserves all the happiness in this world, and our gang is obviously happy for her.

But I couldn’t neglect a thought that crept in from the hollow crevice of my mind: “When will it be me? What if I, too, had a good enough job that let me go places?” And I know for a fact that when she sends a stunning photo of azure beach water from the islands, I am going to be like, “I am so jealous of you!”

I even replied asking if she needs someone to pick up her bags. I didn’t know what kind of work trip it was until then. At lunch that day, I told my husband about her trip too and he said, “That’s lovely!” We shared a smile and he was back to his work too.

That afternoon I put on a low-fi music playlist while writing a travel article for an agency. But while writing that travel piece, my erractic mind wondered far from the destination. I pushed the submission to the next day and sat with my thoughts for a while.

It gave me this realisation

We humans get jealous so easily because we only wish for someone else’s ‘good times and successes’. We barely scratch the surface of what the person had to go through to achieve them.

Take the same example of my best-friend. I didn’t wish to be in her place when her long-lasting relationship failed. I didn’t wish to be in her place when she lost her mum, a couple of years ago. Or nor when she was considering a call-center job when she was out of one.

Thankfully, she landed a great job that she loves overworking at. But I didn’t wish to be in her place when she complained about travelling to work everyday in this heatwave weather. I infact said I cannot do it.

But now that all her commute, extra hours and hardwork is paying off, I wish to be alongside her, even to carry her bags.

This is not even the first time I’ve compared myself to others.

Last year my cousin called me to inform about her marriage being fixed. Now, at that hour I was rushing to reach home because our neighbours called saying water was coming out from our door. I’d unknowingly kept the tap on and the water had overflowed outside.

I congratulated her. Her to-be husband was a chef and an NRI. We chatted for a few minutes and I kept the phone. Again I was happy for her but unhappy for myself.

I was thinking about my entire flooded hall and kitchen because I left a tap open, while my cousin is going to settle abroad. She may never have such problems. She will get continuous water too.

I somehow started downplaying a very big part of my life, because I hoped for a life abroad. As if it’s easy?

I know now she lives in a much smaller 1-bedroom apartment (but has a sea view a few meters away). While her partner goes to work, she surfs for any job she can do to keep herself busy. She obviously misses the family back home. Since she is now in the other hemisphere, the time zone prohibits calls at whim.

But never did I think about this part of her life. I felt jealous that she’s moving out.

I’ve enough examples of myself but the point remains: We only wish upon ourselves of others’ good times. No one wants the transfer of misery.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

And I think that is why, we also only showcase the good times for our vouyers online. It looks easy, it gets us the likes and the envy, so we always add an evil eye emoji somewhere.

If we really want something and try hard enough to get there, i feel it will work out for us too. But we tend to feel jealous instead.

Acknowledging and Overcoming Jealousy

Acknowledging that you’re a jealous prick is the first step. Understanding your why behind that feeling is the second.

It is not always about our own unfulfilled desires, but the new ones that take shape because we see others enjoying themselves. Instagram adds fuel to the newly lit fire.

Ask yourself 2 questions:

1. Did I wish to do this/go here 2 months ago?
2. How would I feel if I have this/go here 3 months from now?

Sit with these 2 answers for a while.

If your answers have nothing to do with what others are doing or drawing references from their experiences, you may really want it to happen.

But if you find yourself hoping for a job that pays to travel or a 15-day itinerary that a friend followed, you’re bringing in direct comparisons, often laced from feelings of jealousy. Wanting to feel in their place.

Don’t get carried away in envy. You’re probably one of the reasons they put an evil eye on their stories. To overcome jealousy, try having a healthy conversation with them on what went behind acheiving any success.

I know for a fact that my best-friend worked day and night, covering weekend shifts to get an assignment that takes her to the islands. I know my cousin sister feels lonely even though she has clean air and access to water 24x7. She cheers for India in every cricket match. She misses the celebratory vibe back home.

Once you start feeling for the struggles that go behind every success story online, you may not want that for you. I hope you get it, if you really want it for yourself. But not because someone else showed how it is.

May we all learn to shift from being jealous to acknowledging the bad times before the good times.

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