Turning a Year Older with the Same Movie

All About Lily Chou-Chou (2001)

I used to think birthdays were supposed to be exciting, you know? The kind of day you’re expected to look forward to because that’s what everyone else seems to do. But somewhere along the line, they started making me a little nervous instead. It’s weird because birthdays don’t actually do anything. You just wake up... one year older.

It wasn’t because I hated growing up, just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that came with it. Like... what if this year is harder than the last one? What if i lose things I love, AND WHAT IF LIFE SUDDENLY DECIDES TO HUMBLE ME FOR ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NO REASON?!?! Um ok, I know not everyone thinks like this. But I do. So instead of forcing myself to love birthdays, I just made up my own version of them. I mean... if the universe insists on making me a year older, the least I can do is spend day one doing things I already know I’ll enjoy.

My birthdays are actually pretty simple. I’ll eat my favorite food and maybe buy myself a little gift if I feel like it, spend some time with my family and then disappear into my room to watch a movie.

OH LORD THAT PROBABLY SOUNDS A LITTLE DEPRESSING….

BUT I SWEAR IT’S NOT, it’s honestly my favorite part of the day. I don’t need a huge party or twenty people singing Happy Birthday while I awkwardly stand there pretending I know where to look.

There’s one thing I never skip, tho. Every birthday I watch the same movie. Not because I don’t like discovering new ones, I’ve watched thousands of movies and finding new favorites is one of my favorite things ever, but birthdays aren’t the day I’m looking for something new. They’re the one day I go back to something I already know I’ll love, I guess that’s become my little tradition, it’s like saving the last bite of your favorite food because you know it’ll make you happy.

The funny thing is, I barely watch this movie. Which sounds ridiculous considering it’s my favorite movie of all time. Most people probably think I rewatch it every month. Nope. Only twice a year. Once on New Year’s Eve and once on my birthday. I like missing it. I like getting to that point where I randomly think I miss this movie. That’s why every birthday rewatch still feels like a gift to myself.

The movie is All About Lily Chou-Chou.

You just have no idea how loud it echoes in my head every time someone mention All About Lily Chou-Chou.

I could probably write another whole post about why I love it so much but that’s not really what this one is about. This is more about what the movie became. Out of the thousands of films I’ve watched, this is still the one I keep saving for the days that matter the most. I still remember finishing it for the first time and thinking, oh... so this is what a beautiful movie feels like. I don’t call movies my favorite very often so the fact that this one is still sitting comfortably at the top after all these years honestly says everything.

Some people probably think I keep coming back to it because of the memories attached to it but that’s never been the reason. I’m not trying to revisit an older version of myself. Honestly... I don’t even miss last Friday. I just like starting my birthday with something I already know is going to make me happy. Life is unpredictable enough and my birthday movie doesn’t have to be. I already know every scene and how it ends but I still excited every damn time.

I think everyone has their own little birthday ritual. Maybe yours is ordering the same food every year or maybe it’s baking your own cake, going somewhere nice or doing absolutely nothing because that’s exactly what you need. Mine just happens to involve a Japanese movie and a room that basically says, please don’t bother me for the next 2 hours. Skipping it would honestly feel wrong. Like celebrating Eid without rendang. Can you do it?? Sure. But does it feel right? Absolutely not.

So yeah, I still don’t get excited about getting older. I probably never will. But I do get excited about this.

If next year comes around and I’m lucky enough to celebrate another birthday... I’ll probably do exactly the same thing, I’ll eat my favorite food and spend time with my family, disappear into my room, watch All About Lily Chou-Chou again and call it a perfect birthday. I don’t need a brand new tradition every year. I already found one that makes turning a year older feel a little less scary.