Nature vs. Nurture in Psychology

How our lives are shaped by both our genetics and our environment

Photo by Luke Jones on Unsplash

As a teenager, I was obsessed with understanding why people do the things they do. I grew up in a family of narcissists (which I didn’t know until much later) and was constantly treated as the black sheep of the family.

Generational curse breaker?

Many of us grow up in family situations where people pass down trauma without realizing that the patterns we are repeating are toxic and unhealthy. More millennials and gen Z are going on “healing journeys” and working through past trauma that has been passed down by people who parent in the way they were parented without questioning whether these behaviors were healthy or unhealthy.

According to Taddas Fitness,

Toxic behavior patterns and family traumas trickling down to you and future generations preventing you from healing. Generational curses are a repeat of the sins and failures of our forefathers.

Breaking generational curses is you making the conscious decision to stop practicing, absorbing, and passing on toxic behaviors and personality traits. Some of these toxic personality traits can be anger, violence, manipulation, overly critical and addiction to name a few.

You may not have been the originator of these unhealed wounds or trauma, one of your forefathers may have made an ill-fated decision or exhibited unacceptable behavior long before you were born. The unfortunate reality is that these traits are affecting you…and in turn your children/your family.

As society is coming to better understand psychology and the effects of behavior on personality and mental health, we’re becoming more conscious about our choices. We’re questioning the way we were raised. Questioning whether we want to parent our children the same way that we were parented.

Instead of putting family above everything, even when it’s toxic, more of us are walking away from narcissistic family and going no contact. We’re going to therapy, using EFT tapping, saying affirmations, and using other practices to regulate our nervous systems.

Choosing yourself and choosing to heal is a radical departure from social structures of the past that put family and tradition above everything else.

Understanding Psychology — Understanding Ourselves

The science of psychology is a relatively new science, which is why there is so much about the way our minds work that we still don’t completely understand today. What we think of as modern psychology is really only about 200 years old.

As we learn to understand psychology in society, we better learn to understand ourselves and our relationships. Our interactions between family, friends and acquaintances shape our experiences of our lives to a great degree. We form beliefs about life and the way the world works based on the beliefs of those around us.

One of the biggest questions in modern psychology is understanding whether it’s our biology and our upbringing that have the biggest impact on our mental health. This is commonly referred to as the Nature vs. Nurture debate.

According to Very Well Mind,

The nature vs. nurture debate in psychology centers on whether genetics, environmental factors, or a combination of both are responsible for all of our unique behaviors, traits, and quirks. Nature refers to how genetics influence an individual’s personality, whereas nurture refers to how an individual’s environment (including relationships and experiences) shapes their development. Both play a role in who we are, and the interaction between the two is often the most influential.

The combination of biology and the environment shape who we are and who we become. While some psychological disorders have a biological component, there are also environmental factors that play into our development.

Family and Psychology

As someone who grew up in a narcissistic family, I’m hyper-aware of the impact my own family had on my mental health. Sure, I’m an empath (HSP? Autistic?) in a family who places little to no value on emotion, so the mismatch in temperament highlights the fact due to the stark contrast between myself and the rest of the family, but all of us have family experiences that shape our mental health to one degree or another.

Even within the same family, different family members can have a vastly different experience.

When I first started my own healing journey after realizing that my mother was a narcissist, I talked to my sister about some of the experiences from childhood. Instead of empathizing with me or being able to relate, she told me “You had a very different experience of our family than I did.”

To put it mildly.

She was the “golden child” and I was the “scapegoat.” Pretty much from the time she was born, my mom prioritized her over me.

Even though I was 3 years older, we started college in the same year. My mom paid $25K for my sister to live on campus at her university. She paid $500 for half of my laptop.

The list goes on and on when it comes to the differences between how my sister and I were treated differently by our family not just throughout childhood but well into adulthood as well. Unfortunately, my experiences aren’t unique. Within narcissistic families, parents do typically assign inflexible roles to their children.

Much of the way that our upbringing shapes our life experiences is explained through family psychology and theories like Family Systems Theory.

According to EBESCO,

Family systems theory is a psychological framework that examines the dynamics and relationships within families, emphasizing the interconnectedness of family members and the impact of these relationships on individual behavior and emotional well-being. Originating in the 1950s, it draws from various disciplines, including psychoanalysis and developmental psychology, and was influenced by the disruptions in family structures due to historical events like World War II. The theory posits that family members are emotionally interdependent, meaning changes or conflicts involving one member can affect the entire family unit.

Understanding the effects of the family unit on your personal life can make a huge impact in your healing journey. The way we are raised can have a deeply personal effect on your psyche and the way you learn to react to similar situations later in life.

As children, we think that our upbring is normal. We think that our experience is the same as everyone else’s, and that the way our family treats us is the same as the way other kids are treated.

For example, growing up in a narcissistic family taught me to be distrustful of adults and prevented me from asking anyone else for help when I was young. I never talked to my friends’ parents, my teachers or any other adults about my home life because I thought all adults were the same.

Our beliefs are shaped by our experiences.

The things we believe are true become the template for our lives.

If you follow the Law of Attraction, you have probably heard that “your thoughts create your reality.” Not only is it the Law of Attraction, it’s also psychology.

To change the way you think, you have to first change what you believe.

[embed]A Practical Guide for Working through Limiting Beliefs Just because a lot of people believe something, that doesn’t make it truemedium.com

Making these changes is a process that, in my experience, has been like peeling back the layers of an onion. We work through surface level issues to uncover deeper ones. Solving one problem uncovers unhealed layers underneath.

Working through your limiting beliefs is an extremely important part of healing from trauma. When I was first starting trauma therapy, I was working with both a therapist and a life coach at the same time, and it was extremely helpful and healing.

My life coach helped me uncover my unconscious limiting beliefs, and my therapist helped me work through the underlying traumas in EMDR.

Whatever you’re trying to heal from in your personal life, the first step is understanding how life has shaped you. Bringing subconscious limiting beliefs and the associated traumas to conscious awareness allows you to see things differently. Then, when you do, you can work to consciously change your thoughts and your life.

If you find this helpful, give me a follow or buy me a coffee! I’m a full-time content creator due to being disabled.

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