Life Lessons

Delayed Gratification Is No Longer My Go-To Option as I Age

When you realize life isn’t a dress rehearsal, you stop saving the good stuff for later

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When I was younger, I could deny myself just about anything for as long as it took to meet my objective. I am old enough now to understand my life will end in the next 20 years, ready or not.

I did not return to college until I was 23 years old because I had a small child and needed to keep him fed until I figured out how to be a full-time mother, employee, and student.

I did not marry the very first man who wanted to marry me because I had not graduated from high school.

I did not know what the future would bring, but I knew I needed to get a high school diploma. It was the bridge required to reach my destiny. He was my first love.

I’m retired. I could cash out at any time. Older people dying no longer seems so tragic to me. Now when I hear about an older person passing away, I think, “I hope they lived a good life.”

I’m a member of their tribe. Now, I want what I want right the hell now.

Life’s short

I didn’t go to college until I was 23.

I turned down two promotions early in my career because I refused to move. We moved at natural breakpoints for our kids: when they graduated from middle school and high school.

Twice, I went ahead of my husband and children, living alone, taking only a dog or cat with me. The children and my spouse followed. We wanted to minimize the disruption to their lives.

We saved for our house for three years. These were three tough, ugly years with few dinners or lunches out, no new clothes for the adults, and no vacations. During that time, my husband and I did not go on a respectable vacation for five years.

We traveled on three-day weekends and holidays to places we could drive to as day trips. Our nickname for vacations within 100 miles of our house is “Hillbilly Vacations.”

Our friend from the hills of Kentucky had us chortling when she coined that moniker. She told us that until she went to university, she had never left Kentucky; that was the only type of vacation her entire family had ever taken.

Eat the cake now; stretch later

I should pay down my medical debt faster; I’ve had three operations on my eyes in the last three years that insurance did not fully cover. Our government will cover everything (except 20%) once I go blind, but not the actions to keep my sight intact. Even with decent insurance, surgery costs hit us upside the head.

In our younger days, we would have locked everything down and huddled in our home, crouched in a corner, eating ramen noodles and drinking generic home-brewed coffee. There would be no spending money on anything that was not a necessity until we paid the debt off. Not anymore.

There will be no more missing weddings, birthdays, and celebrations of our loved ones to pay the debt quicker— been there, done that, got the T-shirt and hat, and burned them.

My husband and I are comfortably retired, but we are on a fixed income. I did not realize before I retired that almost everyone lives on a fixed income. The trick has always been managing one’s income and expenses. Rich people go bankrupt every day.

We will not miss a payment, but neither will we double the payments as we have in the past. We have two destination weddings and one destination birthday coming up.

Too old to waste time on the small things

I pissed off my next-to-last company by refusing three requests to move away from my grandchildren. “Temporarily,” they said. They kept waving more and more money.

My boss pointed out that a few years away would not matter. A few years are forever in a child’s life. He said that my grandchildren would still be kids when I came back.

In real life, they would be young adults by the time I found the time to be there for them if I took a challenging position 1,000 miles from them. Proximity matters. I left that company for a more family-friendly job.

This year, I will take three-day weekend trips to hang with my friends, laugh, drink wine, and relive old times as we make fresh memories. Two friends died in the last two months. My friends are as old as I am, and for now, are still alive. I want to talk to them, touch them, laugh with them over our shared histories, and hug them.

Already earlier this year, two of them have died. One of the two was scheduled to go on a train trip with me and others in the fall. That will never happen.

Done pretending I have unlimited Tuesdays

Friends and family who want to visit my home can come on down. It might be in guest-ready condition. It might not. It doesn’t matter; come on down. I will always make room for you and feed you.

One of my favorite writers, Erma Bombeck, wrote an essay, **If I Had My Life to Live Over** that accurately describes my current attitude.

**“I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.” elise.com. If I had My Life To Live Over**

Choosing joy over “maybe someday”

I will eat delicious food with my husband at restaurants, drink wine, and travel. No splurging because it is not in my engineering nature. I need to know I got the best overall deal I could, no matter what I do or where I go.

I am carefully listening to what Erma Bombeck wrote once she realized she was dying and out of time:

“There would have been more “I love yous”.. more “I’m sorrys”… but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it… live it…and never give it back.” elise.com. If I had My Life To Live Over

My delayed gratification circuit is broken, and it won’t be fixed anytime soon. I will live the best life that I can. I will not wait for better circumstances. I’m doing it now. No regrets. We are going to live our best lives.

Time is a limited resource. I will act on that understanding for the rest of my life, however long that may be.

*Multiple cats have owned Toni Crowe, all of them clever creatures. Read humorous stories about her cats in her book, Hey Hue-Man Where Is Our Food. You will laugh out loud. Available on Amazon.*

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