Lost, but Not

Grief

Photo by Karina Karina on Unsplash

I struggle to grasp reality, now that you are gone.

You not being a specific person, but the series of losses that have plagued my orbit recently.

It shouldn’t affect me as it does but we are wired differently, and the death of a short time acquaintance or the resident mad man could be just as disheartening as that of a mentor, or a cousin.

Death terrifies me. A truth I feel my faith would be ashamed of. And the glaring reality of it that I am now forced to be conscious of, the randomness of it… the “I’ll be back” that never actually makes it back, the fragility that is life.

For someone who already exists in anxiety, this reality is torture, the consciousness a sinking hole. I try to claw myself out but what can I do? I’m stuck in this loop of life and death because really, we live to die.

© 2026 Kelz