Envious people will say you “can’t take criticism”. This is why.

We’re addressing the elephant in the room today…

Photo by Iuliia Pilipeichenko on Unsplash

This article was inspired by a situation I experienced in real life. Nonetheless, it’s interesting for this blog too because every now and then, I encounter this envious kind of hater. In fact, I’ll pin it in place of my trolling policy. The policy still applies; people can disrespect it on their own peril… But I’ve come to the conclusion it kind of goes without saying. Today’s topic, however, is something that most people take a while to perceive, and have difficulty NAMING. It’s like an elephant in the room. So, I’m going to address it and expose the rot in these people.

Instead of telling you any stories or theoretically explaining what I mean, I find that a metaphor helps. So, let’s get to it:

Imagine an angry crowd booing and throwing rotten tomatoes at a performer they dislike.

Got the picture in your mind? Good.

It goes without saying that these people who throw the rotten tomatoes are haters. But did you know there is more than one kind of hater among them? For example: let’s suppose that the performer has a fright, runs behind the curtains, and comes back holding a clear shield that keeps the tomatoes away from her beautiful dress. And people keep throwing them… Well, in this scenario, you’ll see two main kinds of hater:

1. The true haters: these people genuinely hated the performance, perhaps don’t have manners to keep their opinion to themselves, and that’s why they’re throwing tomatoes. Once they see the shield, and realise the tomatoes no longer have a damaging effect on the performer’s dress, they change tactics and start just booing instead. I call them “true haters” because their strategy changed, but not the sentiment they’re externalising: it started out as hate, and it’s still hate.
2. The fans in disguise: these people secretly loved the performance, but are too selfish to admit that, because they don’t know how not to make everything they see about themselves (and their inadequacy, and how much worse than this performer they feel, and how lucky is this performer, and how unlucky are they, and how dare she… Etc). What’s behind their hate is in fact envy. Once these fans in disguise see the tomatoes no longer work, they will get all up in arms with entitlement and pretend that the tomatoes they threw were “so well-intentioned” and “so harmless” and “so normal”… And “how dare” this performer not just take them with a smile!

Is the metaphor ringing a bell to you yet? I bet you know what I mean with it. Some of you reading this article might even have been on the receiving end of these “tomatoes” from the second crowd. They hurt just a bit more than the first crowd’s “tomatoes”, don’t they? Yeah. It’s intentional. It’s meant to slowly chip away at your confidence, so that you stop daring to shine, and these people pull you back into a place of irrelevance like a bunch of crabs in a bucket.

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

You see, the second crowd is so much more infuriating, not just because they’re disingenuous and trying to pass as “helpful and concerned friends, UWU”… But also because people’s advice on dealing with haters isn’t designed to handle this crowd of haters in particular. It’s only designed to handle group 1. So, whenever you vent about what is happening, at most, what you’ll get from your genuine friends in terms of advice is “oh, ignore them. They’re miserable. Take the higher road and pretend you’re not seeing their attacks”.

The problem with that advice is it accidentally causes you to deliver EXACTLY what the fans in disguise want: a nonchalance that emboldens and enables them to keep abusing you.

That’s because, to put it simply: crowd 1 wants to get under your skin (hence, ignoring them SOLVES the problem). On the other hand, though, crowd 2 wants you to allow them to invade your space and walk all over you without consequence. (Hence, ignoring them WORSENS the problem).

The main difference between crowd 1 and crowd 2 is that crowd 1 (the true haters) are able to take accountability. They fully admit they’re trying to hurt you. Meanwhile, crowd 2 (the fans in disguise) will go to hell and back denying that they’re trying to hurt you. Accountability is their kryptonite. That’s not even personal, by the way: accountability in general, as a thing in life, is their kryptonite… With or without you in the picture. The main defining trait of an envious person is a combination of poor self-esteem + entitlement (like I said in this older article). A true hater might just have poor self-esteem, but no entitlement. The entitlement is the key ingredient here.

I consider true haters to be the lesser of two evils, in fact. Everybody has haters, right? No two people think totally alike. All hail diversity! So, as long as most of my haters are true haters, I’m okay with that.

But no! I’m pretty sure most of my haters (both in life and here on the Internet) are fans in disguise. People in my life just loooooooove comparing themselves to me and staying addicted to self-centeredness. Go figure. The minute I start to grow, to reach an audience, to become relevant, bam! There they come, and try to pull me back to the bottom of the bucket. Every single goddamn time. You’d think I’m a bigger menace to them than the prospect of WWIII at this stage! Is there really anything they fear MORE than Lucy shining? One has to wonder…

These people’s egos won’t admit any of what I said in this article. Instead, they’ll keep their preferred narrative going: “oh no, you’re mistaken, dear Lucy. I really love you, I worry about you, I care for you, bla bla bla. This is why I’m giving you this helpful feedback. But you can’t take it, alas”.

Is the helpful feedback with us in the room?

All I see is a bunch of rotten tomatoes that can’t even be useful in sauce at this stage. “Helpful”, uh-huh, right. Eyeroll What’s “helpful” about DEMANDING that I be 100% flawless and perfect “or else”? That’s not helpful. That’s insecurity wearing a narcissistic mask to try and get ME to audition for THEIR approval. No, thank you.

Come on. Get out of denial in case you’re reading this and you’re this “type 2” kind of hater. Everybody knows your full colours. Take off this mask of helper already because you’re starting to look like a clown. If you were truly helpful, you’d first of all EMBODY what you preach and BE AN EXAMPLE of what you wanna see me doing. Are you the kind of accomplished person I should look up to? No? Oh, how funny, ISN’T IT, LOSER?! Why would I listen to a loser’s advice? Why would I? Huh? Tell me.

Alternatively: are you a long-term friend who has already celebrated many of my good moments with me and proven to me that you’re not competing? Then sure, let’s have the difficult conversations too. But no, huh? Usually the critics have never even said “hi” to me before. Even here in the blog, they tend not to have a very extensive comment history.

For those of you reading this and thinking “ew Lucy, an ad hominem coming from you?” — hold your horses there, please. If you’re not a hater… If you’re not the kind of audience who needs me to play dirty, congratulations, keep being an intellectual. That said, let’s not ignore the fact there are complete and utter losers in the world who deserve to be called out for what they are, because they forgot their place and are getting emboldened. I used to want to stay out of petty drama back in the day. I used to take the higher road, ignore the vulgar people, and all that jazz. Today I know better. TODAY, if a filthy pig of a person drags me into the mud, I can go down there and drown them and make them wish they didn’t start this wrestling match.

I can be the fairest debater you’ve ever had… But I can also be a foul-mouthed snake who will strike you where it hurts the most. I’ve learned that in the oracle, to be honest. There’s that lovely enlightening energy from the sky, but there’s also the rot from the earth. Which one will you receive? Oh, I don’t know. Tell me which one you deserve. Because deep down, YOU KNOW. If you think you don’t, you’re in denial.

I’m sick of the bullshit. I’m sick of this crab bucket I never asked to be placed into. I don’t belong in it. Let me go. That’s not a request, by the way. If you don’t let me go, I’m going to climb out of it over the corpses of every single crab who tried to drag me down. Don’t mess with me. This is a metaphor, of course. Translating it to real life, here’s what I mean: next time people try to stop me from growing, I’m going to hit them where it hurts; And make sure it keeps hurting very acutely for a long time. Evil? Sure. But if evil is what you deserve from me, evil is what you’ll get.

I used to lament the fact my life was so full of “petty” when in fact what I wanted the most was to serve the world from a higher and more respectable place. Today, I no longer think that way. I’m happy to play along with the petty now. Is my entire life going to forever be about warding off the petty arseholes? Then SO BE IT, BITCH. Come closer. Feel the flames. I’m having a blast, I can do this forever in fact. By all means… Keep it coming. If some people want a war, let’s have a war! I work with Athena for a reason. Let’s see who wins.

This seems like a fun time to cite the one Taylor Swift song I really like:

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See? I do care about some of her music. Nobody’s work is all-bad, after all.

“But Lucy, the envious are suffering, they need light, they need healing”, some people will say. Yeah I agree. Thoughts and prayers, guys. Thoughts and prayers! I hope they heal, find the peace they’re looking for, and get out of that pit of darkness they fell into. Genuinely. But am I responsible for making that happen? No. I’ll leave that to the gods. Hence the thoughts and prayers.

I help the people who WANT my help. Needing isn’t enough. They must also want it. If you’re not a fan of consent, that’s not my problem. I am. Consent is of utmost importance in my book.

Ultimately, the fans in disguise are people who think they’re entitled to seeing me “take in” their hate disguised as criticism because if I do, if I start taking it in, I’ll start second-guessing myself. I’ll fall from the stage. I will no longer pose as a mirror to them, reminding them of their laziness and unwillingness to put in the hours of work to get to the same place where I’ve gotten. THAT is what’s truly going on. They’ll never admit that… But that’s okay. I understand. It takes courage to admit it. Losers don’t have courage. What a pity.

You see… There are people who throw rotten tomatoes, but don’t “check in” with the tomatoes to see if they were really received. True haters. Not as bad, as I already said.

On the other hand, there are people who throw rotten tomatoes with the intent of force-feeding these tomatoes to their target. Boundaries are a suggestion, apparently. They get offended if their target doesn’t say “omg thank you so much for these rotten tomatoes, I’m such a loser, they’re exactly what I deserve!” — because IF THAT HAPPENS, THE PROJECTION IS COMPLETE.

But I won’t allow that. Projections shall not pass. The mirror is here, intact. You can look at it, or you can walk away from the entire show. The feelings are yours. The burden is yours. The shame, the guilt, the emotional labour… All yours. Back at you. None of that belongs on my shoulders. Enough is enough.