Digging deep to find our words

I’ll be honest, poetry has never really been my thing, not for any other reason than I love a good yarn or my latest passion, non-fiction! That’s not to say I’ve never read poetry; I did, and I loved some of it but was also confused by a great proportion of it. Much of what I found in poetry was a bit vague, and the lack of clarity meant I couldn’t engage with it no matter what the subject was.

This was why I loved having Kathryn (Millie the Poet) on the podcast, and listening to her read her poetry out was a real treat. There’s nothing quite like hearing an author read their own words is there? You get to hear the real emotions, where the emphasis belongs and also the intent behind them.

Although Kathryn writes all sorts of poetry, she shared her poems around childlessness with titles ‘For the others on Mother’s Day’, ‘This is disenfranchised grief’ and ‘Have you thought about adoption?’, you really can’t miss the meaning, can you?

It really spoke to our words and how sometimes we need something a bit different to get our message across.

We talked about this during the podcast about how our words can be received, or rather the worries about how our words will be received and reacted to. The energy that can come back at us when we’re feeling most vulnerable.

And because words are energy — an expression of feelings but also a glimpse into our deeply personal and internal world, they can easily be shut down or shut away to deep recesses within us, if the reaction we get isn’t the one we hoped for. Those words can be so shut down that they never see the light of day again. I know from my own experience that there have been times, when deep in my grief I was rendered mute, with just a wordless scream that lodged itself in my chest but could never be articulated.

And I see this a lot with clients where they’ve been unable to find their words or find a way to adequately express the pain of their experience. It leads to a sense of disconnection from ourselves and our feelings; a numbing and a sense of not being able to share these feelings for fear of being ‘too much’ or even being shut down with suggestions, or perhaps a look from the other person of abject fear. None of which encourages us to open up about what we’re going through.

I know it often doesn’t feel that this is the case, but there’s a lot of power in our words, our stories and our feelings. The energy that gets pushed deep down into our bodies, is felt regardless of how far down we push it, even to our toes. That energy will show up in difficult-to-manage ways because the harder we try to keep it there, the more likely it will pop up at a trigger, or it’ll leak out when you don’t want it to. And this is why it’s important to try and find a way to get those words out, even in writing, whether that’s journaling, doodling or poetry. Honestly, it doesn’t matter how it comes out, just that you’re able to do that and find a way to articulate what’s happening, even if it’s just for you.

Sarah

Sarah Lawrence works exclusively with the childless community. She is a person-centred trauma-informed counsellor at After The Storm specialising in working with the childless community. She is a member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP), and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS), which means she follows the BACP’s Ethical Framework and the NCPS’s Code of Ethics.

The Full Stop is a community group and podcast about childlessness for childless people and people who care about them. The Full Stop Pod is a conversational podcast for everyone. Listen to our guests as they share their stories on the theme of childlessness. You’ll hear a range of voices on topics such as ageing, being single and childless, World Childless Week, Storyhouse Childless, writing, end-of-life planning, IVF failure and pregnancy loss, workplaces, LGBTQIA+, women of colour, money and intimacy. You can find the Full Stop Podcast on your favourite podcast listening app.

Our inclusive, online Full Stop Community is exclusively for childless people with audience access to the podcast hosted on Circle and costs £10 a month, with your first month free. We firmly believe that cost should not be a barrier to getting support. Find out more at our website.

Presented and founded by Sarah Lawrence, Michael Hughes, and Berenice Howard-Smith, who are involuntarily childless. Trading as The Full Stop Community CIC, Company Number 14769401