ANOTHER FUCKING NEWSLETTER

May — AFP’S Monthly Newsletter

The monthly update from the Kingdom of Fuckery

Image created by Dee in Canva

Motherfucking May rolled in like a flaming shopping trolley full of deadlines, emotional instability, mystery illnesses, and at least three moments where we all stared into the void and whispered, “What the actual fuck is happening?”

And somehow… we survived it.

Barely.

While the world continued spiralling like a possum trapped in a wheelie bin (That’s an Aussie-ism), you glorious little fuckers kept this pub alive with your stories, your rants, your unhinged confessions, and your deeply concerning levels of advice.

And we’re proud as fuck of you.

Let’s dive into the absolute clusterfuck that was May.

This Month in Fuckery

May somehow felt both aggressively long and suspiciously fast.

Like one giant cursed Tuesday.

One minute it was Easter leftovers, and the next thing you know, it’s almost June, and we’re all panic-buying planners again, pretending this year can still be salvaged.

Over here in our dirty little corner of the internet, AFP continued steadily like a raccoon surviving entirely on nicotine and vibes.

This month:

✨ 11K views and 6.9K Reads

✨ 18 new fuckers joined us this month!

✨ 3655 followers!

In other words: business as usual.

And to every single one of you reading, clapping, commenting, highlighting, sharing, and screaming “THIS IS SO FUCKING TRUE” into the abyss…

Thank you, you beautiful bastards.

April’s Most-Read Motherfuckers 📚

Here are the top 3 writers for May 2026:

Sherene Jensen— “How to Get Your Crush to Notice You”

[embed]How to Get Your Crush to Notice You Terrible advice from Auntie Shazzhole, for the romantically challengedmedium.com

Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬 — “Who Are These Fucking Medium Weirdos?”

[embed]Who Are These Fucking Medium Weirdos? Friend of Medium since 1942, no stories, 17,467 followersmedium.com

Aurelia Bliss — “AWALT Stands for “All Women Are Like That”

[embed]AWALT Stands for “All Women Are Like That” Well, huh — is that somedium.com

🍾Foul-Mouthed Favourite Writer of the Month

This month’s award goes to the unstoppable Granny with a grievance:

Adrienne Beaumont!

Her rant, “Grrr… How Can You Be So Busy You Can’t Send Your Mum a FuckingText for Mother’s Day?” was fucking wonderful!

[embed]Grrr… How Can You Be So Busy You Can’t Send Your Mum a FuckingText for Mother’s Day? I didn’t hear from two of my daughters todaymedium.com

Adrienne works damn hard caring for her gorgeous grand-boys, and is a mother to 6 grown humans, of whom not all remembered to make her feel special on Mother’s Day.

We are thrilled you shared your rant about it with us lot of fuckers!

Well done!

What Fresh Bullshit Awaits Us in June?

June has arrived with the energy of a middle manager who just discovered mindfulness podcasts.

It’s the halfway point of the year, which means society now expects us to revisit our goals, become healthier, reorganise our lives and suddenly care about productivity again.

Absolutely fucking not.

At AFP, we reject:

• “mid-year reset” culture
• toxic positivity
• winter body conversations
• waking up at 5am to optimise ourselves

Instead, we’ll continue embracing chaos, storytelling, emotional oversharing and of course, swearing as a coping mechanism

As nature intended.

The Jackass June Calendar of Chaos

A few deeply important and completely unnecessary dates for your consideration or to serve as inspo to write about :

June 1 — International Say Something Nice Day — Counterpoint: no.

June 2 — International Sex Workers Day — Finally. A holiday with better vibes than most corporate awareness campaigns.

June 4 — Hug Your Cat Day — Cats remain furry little sociopaths, but okay.

June 8 — Best Friends Day — Text your bestie and remind them they once prevented your public humiliation. Friendship is sacred.

June 9 — Writers’ Rights Day — A beautiful reminder that exposure still doesn’t pay rent.

June 15 — Global Wind Day — A beautiful opportunity to celebrate renewable energy and the absolute art of ripping a catastrophic fart.

June 18 — International Panic Day — Finally, a day dedicated to the emotional state most of us have been functioning in since 2020.

June 20 — World Productivity Day — A wonderful reminder that answering one email before staring into space for three hours still technically counts as work.

June 21 — Winter Solstice — The longest night of the year. Perfect for dissociating.

June 25 — Global Beatles Day — Prepare yourselves for at least one drunken argument about Yoko Ono.

June 26 — World Drug Day — A great time to reflect on humanity’s complicated relationship with substances, poor decisions, and that one guy who still thinks MDMA “opened his third eye.”

June 30 — Social Media Day — Celebrate by opening an app, feeling instantly worse, and closing it again.

June Is Also…

Pride Month 🌈 — A reminder that joy, identity, rebellion, love, and community deserve celebration year-round.

Men’s Health Month 🍆— Lads. Please go to the doctor. Your body is not a “see how it goes” situation.

Audiobook Awareness Month 📖— Look, we support accessibility. But some of us still want the physical book so we can dramatically sigh while holding it.

Fight the Filthy Fly Month 🔫— a month-long battle against those filthy little airborne fuckers who appear the second you unwrap food.

Fireworks Safety Month 🧨— because every year someone sees explosives and thinks, “I reckon holding this sounds fun.”

National Camping Month 🏕️— a celebration of pretending sleeping badly outdoors while fighting mosquitoes is somehow “relaxing.”

Last Fucking Words

May may have emotionally body-slammed most of us into the pavement, but you legends still showed up.

You wrote. You ranted. You trauma-dumped with style.

That’s the kind of unhinged resilience we respect around here.

So keep swearing. Keep storytelling.

Keep finding humour in the absolute dumpster fire of modern existence.

And remember:

Fuck Around, Write It Down.

Tagging all AFP writers. If you don’t want to be tagged, just let me know, and I will remove you from the list. And if you haven’t written anything for. while for us, why the fuck not get started now?

Philip White (not that one, the other one), Tracey Wright, Husun Shujaat, Infinity T., DISCLOSE, Danielle Alexandria, Punam Majhi, Just Norah, Mr Green, Steve Vernon, Robert G. 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