Stay Too Long

The first single off Plan B’s 2010 number one album “The Defamation Of Strickland Banks”, it reached number 9 in the UK singles chart and perfectly summed up my attitude to drinking at the time ‘now we’re so fucking plastered we don’t know when to stop’. It applies to this season and my opinion we kept Scott Lindsey as manager for far too long (not withstanding my previous season’s comment of never go back), and even the artist is appropriate, as it’s a great summary of what Scott’s formation and playing style did not have.

The first thing to do in a review of the season is to look back to the halcyon days of early August before the season kicked off and look at how the pre-season predictions went. I did think that a lot of them were too harsh on us. Starting with the best one, the Sporting Life had us to finish sixth, When Saturday Comes eleventh, Football League World thirteenth, Four Four Two fifteenth, The Real EFL seventeenth, EFL Analysis were close having us twentieth (which was correct at halftime yesterday), but closest were the Guardian who had us down to finish twenty-third, only the one spot out, but fortunately we were the right side of that. My hope of a playoff spot was well off the mark.

Grimsby away started it off, a weekend away, a meet up with one of my old mates from Leicester, a visit to the seaside and get some rock (which the stewards wouldn’t let me bring in the ground). A lovely time, and then the football started. Ten minutes was all it took for the optimism to dissipate. Grimsby ran over, through, and around us as if we were cardboard cutouts. And their tenth minute opener showed just what we were going to be subjected to from an officiating point of view. The lino got involved and gave a penalty against Harvey Davies for winning the ball, and it went downhill from there.

The officiating has been poor all season. Sometimes it has helped us (yesterday’s challenge by Charlie Barker for example), but looking at the balance sheet for the year, we ended up severely in debt. The amount of inconsistency was staggering. Granted, we didn’t help ourselves with the constant chirruping at officials (Harry McKirdy, I’m looking at you), but the number of times two pretty much identical incidents saw us get a yellow card, and the opponents not even give away a free kick was staggering.

Another defeat followed at home the following week, and then two more away from home, one in the Carabao Cup at Championship Swansea City, and then at Crewe Alexandra saw us in trouble from the start and we never really recovered. That Swansea game was the only away game of the season I didn’t go to, a seven pm kick off on a Tuesday night in Wales when I was still firing on all cylinders didn’t see a good use of my annual leave. And there was no plan then for me to go to every game, Back then I didn’t know how the football was going to be an emotional crutch for me to deal with mental health issues. Instead I watched that game in the Downsman, arriving just as we conceded. The barracking of players was happening in the Downsman as well as in person at the Liberty Stadium, “McTurdy” was being brandished about then.

I understand the frustrations of supporting a team which is doing badly (only a slight bit of understatement there). But the abuse aimed at our players, manager, coaching staff, owners, and anyone else who might be related goes way over the top. I don’t know what it is that makes people think it is alright to abuse people doing their job, if you did that to someone in a bar or a shop you’d be escorted off the premises and the police may well be called, but ‘fans’ consider it perfectly fine to do it to the players. Of the club they support. Including racially abusing our own players (as done to Kabby Tshimanga after the Cambridge United game). I do get the self-depreciating gallows humour, but minutes and more of chanting ‘we’re fucking shit’ isn’t helping the players.

There were a few games I had down as not likely to make it to, but when I made the last day before the game decision to go to Harrogate Town away, it put the possibility of making it to every league game in my head (plus it meant I saw our first league win of the season). Once I’d been to that then to me the only issues would be the stupid early Sunday lunchtime kick-off at Cheltenham Town, and the two Tuesday night aways in 2026 at Walsall and MK Dons. But as it turned out I was off work by then. And I did make it to all the away league games.

But the FA Cup threw a spanner in the works. The less said about our efforts in the competition the better. But we were due to be playing Cambridge United on FA Cup third round day, but they got through, and the rescheduled game ended up being slotted into the only week which would cause any issues, as we were away in Florence. There was a brief hope it would get called off as videos posted showed puddles on the pitch and the ref testing bounce and there being none, but it still went ahead, and the chance of doing all 46 went with it. Probably my only chance of managing it.

January saw a large amount of frantic activity in the transfer market as we tried to escape from the black hole vortex of the relegation places. Four of those brought in were returnees from the promotion winning side of two years ago. I will repeat myself and say, “never go back.” On the whole it didn’t work, Danilo Orsi didn’t get the kind of service he had when playing with Liam Kelly, and loanees Ronan Darcy and Klaidi Lolos seemed shadows of the players they were two years before. Only Kellen Gordon improved the side. It was said they were getting the band back together. It was a shame most of the instruments were broken.

And so we limped on, somehow staying out of the relegation places, more by luck than judgement as other sides were just as bad or inconsistent as we were. Yet for most of the season we were behind on the number of points gained compared to the previous League Two relegation battle three seasons ago. And at the end we finished six points worse off than we did then, not even averaging a point a game.

In fact it was a historically bad season for us (and for the bottom five in total). The least wins in a league season — just the eight, and the least points — forty. Since two up from the Conference/National League started in 2002–03, only three sides have won less games than the eight we managed this season, and they all finished bottom (not including the Covid season). In ten of those seasons, forty points would have seen us finish bottom. And of those twenty-four seasons we would have avoided relegation only seven times with forty points, thankfully one of those was this season, as although the bottom five wasn’t quite the worst since 2002–03 (2008–09 the bottom five combined scored two points less than this season), those from twentieth to twenty-second were the lowest total points for a season by ten points (ahead of 2008–09).

It has been painful to watch all season. But it has been painful for the players on the pitch as well. The number of injuries has been ridiculous. Scott Malone is such a leader and organiser on the pitch so was a huge loss when out with injury. Max Anderson does all the simple things as a focal point so well. Josh Flint, Theo Vassell, Harry McKirdy, Danilo Orsi, Kellen Gordon have all been out for extended periods. But there was also stubbornness from the manager, having players out in the bomb squad, not adapting formation when it was obvious there were issues, having favourites playing who were not performing. It became dispiriting on and off the pitch. I went to many of the away games by myself as Helen couldn’t face the time, the cost, the energy, to go and see the dross that was happening on the pitch.

There were some bright spots. Barrow away with a late winner, Newport County away with another win. The late late equalisers in consecutive home games against Chesterfield, Swindon Town, and Barnet, and the late goals in the next home match against Gillingham in Colin Kazim-Richards’ first game in charge. Enough to get us over the line.

But there were too many lows. Top five? Well, bottom five really. The FA Cup capitulation away to Boreham Wood. Cheltenham Town away on a part frozen pitch just after new year, that Grimsby game first day of the season, the first twenty minutes against Barnet on New Year’s Day, and that mad minute at Salford where we went from leading 3–2 to losing 4–3.

It hasn’t just been on the pitch where there have been lows and the occasional high.

At Chesterfield Ade Adeyemo was hit by a bottle thrown from the crowd (after an OTT goal celebration by Harry McKirdy) and was then subject to chanted racial abuse from that stand. Colin Kazim-Richards was racially abused trying to do the post-match interview after the Accrington Stanley game. Bromley treated the away fans with utter disrespect. One three-man marquee to serve food and drink to 500+ fans, so people were missing twenty minutes of a half. Unlit Portaloo’s with no hand-washing facilities, a dark, dirt covered, pot holed path to get to the away turnstiles, and slow and inept reaction to a medical emergency. MK Dons with not enough seats open for the number of tickets sold (despite being an empty bowl), and sexist supervisory stewards. And train travel in general, the amount of delay repay forms filled out is ridiculous.

Both of the latter two clubs could learn from Tranmere Rovers who were great in dealing with the away fans. I’ve been honoured to have been asked to be a contributor to the fan produced programme (along with Steve Leake, Steve Hedges, Steve Herbert, Mick Fox, Ivan Noel, Ian Mulcahy, Alain Harper, and Grant Mansfield) which started at the Oldham Athletic game in December, and has shown that running one at a profit, without ads, at a cheap price is doable, so why can’t league clubs manage it? I was asked to look at doing retro reds early in the season as Mick Fox was going to step away, but the programme came back so he has continued, so I only did the one piece, but have done several retro Kev pieces since. Mick has also been very generous with passing on masses of old Crawley Town programmes, which are much appreciated.

The last couple of months have been tense, the writing of match reports means I don’t have the bandwidth to be score watching elsewhere during the game, which is probably a good job as I’d be a gibbering wreck. So much though has been the reliance on other results to see us avoid relegation, the last three games have put us through the wringer, any of those games could have ended in a different result for either side, and there were late goals and changes in other games. So when the final whistle went yesterday there was the celebration of surviving, but with the final whistle gone I could look at my phone. Others were on the pitch, but it was showing Harrogate were still playing, until that FT came through, I couldn’t celebrate, the 108th minute Newport winner the week before told me that. But another draw, the sixteenth of the season (twice the number of wins) saw us survive and stay in the Football League.

After all the excitement of the last four seasons, with three relegation battles and a promotion, all only being decided in the last two games of the season, I would quite happily take a season off from the excitement. A nice season of mid table mediocracy, no new owners, no new managers, a steady squad. It’s not much to ask for, is it?

Going to every away league game has shown me just how committed a sizeable number of our fan base is. I have stayed over more times than done a there and back journey in a day. Any one of my many hats go off to those who do the away trips as a single day outing, whether that is getting the supporters coach, the train, or driving (Carl Smith-Haggert posted he had driven 7,958 miles going to all the away games this season, which is mental). It is exhausting, but it is so addictive once you start doing it, so I fully understand the appeal, being someone with an addictive personality.

But there are new places to go to. I’m not disappointed in the slightest at Bromley and MK Dons going because of experience, or Barrow because of the trek. It is a shame Harrogate have gone, but York is a wonderful place to visit in its place. Also sad about losing Cambridge United as they have a great curry house opposite the ground. Exeter is a lovely place, even if it is a bit of a trek. Northampton was good when we went a couple of years ago (even if the result wasn’t), and I haven’t been to Port Vale, or Rotherham (well I have, but that was to Millmoor a long time ago). Due to their fans I’d be happiest if Chesterfield won the play offs so we don’t have to return there, and coming up, Carlisle is great but too far, Boreham Wood are meh, I wouldn’t mind visiting Scunthorpe out of interest, and Rochdale would be great as another excuse to go back to Manchester.

Although I may be very wordy in these pieces, I am not a social person, so without the sociability of Helen propping me up for a lot of the away games, I have actually spoken to people, which puts me outside of my comfort zone. I may come across as being stand offish or rude because I’m probably looking for the way out of any conversation, so I’d like to say thanks to those who have spoken to me over the season away from home — Martin & Karen, Jack, Steve H, Jane, Reuben, Emma, Matt, Steph, Ivan. There are others at games I recognise, I know who a lot of them are, but don’t speak to them, and don’t assume they know who I am. At home, there are those around us, Grant & Rick and families, Mark & son, Tom & Family, Glen (TAFKAL), and others who despite me sitting near for years and speaking to, I can’t for the life of me remember their names. Sorry. Perhaps I should write those down instead of so much match action in my little notebooks.

Speaking of which I went through four and a half this season, with retro Kev pieces this is my fifty-ninth CTFC piece written this season. It’s been a lot of words but for a lot of the time it has been the only writing I have been doing as I’ve struggled elsewhere. The photos I add to the pieces have been pretty much the only photos I’ve been taking as well. This is why I say the football has been keeping me sane this season, despite the results. I am thinking about getting it all together and doing a book of the season from my viewpoint as I’ve dealt with issues and made it to all the away league games and calling it ‘Away With The Faeries.’

I’ve been to forty-nine Crawley games this season, twenty-five of which were away (fifty-one and twenty-six if we include pre-season). I also managed one Three Bridges game to make it a half century. And whilst away I’ve visited or photographed another twenty-eight grounds and visited the sites of four former grounds. And travel takes me past many others easily visible from the road, or train. And that doesn’t include places like the Hackney Marshes with its dozens of laid out pitches. The season has taught me what I had forgotten somewhere along the way over the last couple of decades — I love football and it is everywhere around us if we open our eyes and have a look. And it has given me scope to look around and pick up old collecting habits on things like books, programmes, cards, stickers, pens, and of course fridge magnets.

Finally, my own set of random awards for the season.

Best player — Jacob Chapman has been immense since coming in on loan, and if he’d been here all season it might well have been him, but for me, for the commitment and application, it has to be Harry Forster.

Best goal — I did like Harry Forster’s cheeky free kick away to Salford City, but having given him the previous award, I’m going to go for Kellen Gordon’s late screamer to equalise against Swindon Town.

Best Away Trip — Barrow. Not just the result, which was much needed and an eighty-ninth minute winner is always going to make it worthwhile. But it was a sunny day, the train journey over from Carnforth around Morecambe Bay with the Lake District on the other side is a stunning journey, and with places open and in the sunlight, Barrow is a nicer place than given credit for.

Favourite Away Ground — Tranmere Rovers. Everyone was so friendly. It has history, old gates, statues, blue plaque, drinks voucher, stewards handing out team sheets as we went in through the turnstiles. Shame about the performance and result.

Worst Journey — Coming back from the above, train cancelled at Liverpool, stopper to Crewe, then a broken down train a mile outside of Euston which it took them over two hours to get us off and onto another train, Thameslink had stopped for the night by the time we got to Euston, over to London Bridge for the one an hour drunk train, back home after three in the morning.

Worst Away Ground — Bromley, for all the reasons mentioned previously.

Worst Stewarding — MK Dons were overly officious and sexist, Grimsby Town were stupid, being in a seaside resort but not allowing sticks of rock in because you can’t bring in outside food, but the one that pissed me off the most was Colchester United. Same bag as I’d brought everywhere else that season, but too big for them apparently. Fortunate in Emma was behind me in the queue and was parked nearby so the bag could be stowed there. Only for there to be at least half a dozen other Crawley fans let in with bigger bags after me.

Favourite Surprise Moment — It meant the end for Scott Lindsey when we lost at Fleetwood Town, but when they scored and played the Captain Pugwash theme as goal celebration music it was glorious.

Favourite Chant — Not really a chant, but I love the film ‘Happy Gilmour,’ so when someone yelled out ‘Jackass’ in the correct voice and tone as an Accrington Stanley player stepped up to take a free kick, I had to laugh out loud.

Best Programme — Ours of course, not that I’m biased in any way, shape, or form. Away one is trickier, some don’t do them, four clubs have monthly magazines, and a lot are advert heavy. Probably Newport County.

Best Team Played — For me, without a doubt, Grimsby Town, how they didn’t get automatic promotion is beyond me.

Worst Team Played — Not including any of our own lineups, then probably Barrow, but Swindon Town were dreadful in both games against us and somehow got four points off us.

Best Post-Match Curry — Swindon, even if I found it odd they gave me as a single diner, a Christmas cracker to pull.

Worst Post-Match Curry — Crewe, my own fault for picking convenience of location rather that looking for a decent restaurant.

Worst Moment — At Chesterfield and the Ade Adeyemo bottling and racial abuse.

Best Moment — The full-time whistle at Harrogate Town yesterday which meant survival.

And with that I’m signing off for this season. But I’ll be back next season with more inane witterings.

Come on you reds.

POSTSCRIPT

The list below is the playlist of all the songs used for titles this year. There are fifty-nine, which isn’t quite one per piece, as my attempt for a retro reds piece was entitled Cheshire Connections (I should have used Milburn — Cheshire Cat Smile in retrospect) but then I had two titles in one for the season preview piece.

Jody Watley feat Eric B & Rakim — Friends

Average White Band — Pick Up The Pieces / Let’s Go Round Again

Dooley Silverspoon — Game Players

Goldie Lookin’ Chain — Middle Of Lidl

Four Seasons — Big Girls Don’t Cry

Reef — Come Back Brighter

Half Man Half Biscuit — National Shite Day

White Stripes — The Denial Twist

Pulp — Do You Remember The First Time

Rae & Christian — Bring The Drama

Untouchables — I Spy (For The FBI)

Go West — We Close Our Eyes

Doves — Black And White Town

Wayne Fontana — Goodbye Bluebird

Dottie Cambridge — Cry Your Eyes Out

S Mos — Hymn Of The Orient

David Christie — Saddle Up

Tame Impala — The Less I Know The Better

Jolly Roger — Acid Man

The Cure — A Forest

Fleetwood Mac — Heroes Are Hard To Find

Pet Shop Boys — A Different Point Of View

Judas Priest — Breaking The Law

Milk — Hometown

Happy Mondays — Madchester Rave On (EP)

The Smiths — Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now

Siouxsie & The Banshees — Cities In Dust

Dry Cleaning — Spoils

Badman — Magic Style

Bastille — Good Grief

Glove — Perfect Murder

Beck — Devil’s Haircut

Marilyn Manson — Third Day Of A Seven Day Binge

Aretha Franklin — Think

Lonnie Donegan — Cumberland Gap

Jay Z — 99 Problems

Haircut 100 — Fantastic Day

Richard Swift — Broken Finger Blues

Thin Lizzy — The Boys Are Back In Town

Porridge Radio — U Can Be Happy If I U Want To

Dion & The Belmonts — We Went Away

Milton James — My Lonely Feeling

Them Crooked Vultures — Spinning In Daffodils

Depeche Mode — Little 15

The Rolling Stones — Jigsaw Puzzle

Holloways — Two Left Feet

Blur — There’s No Other Way

The Bees — No Trophy

C.O.D. — In The Bottle

B.B. King — The Thrill Is Gone

Edwin Birdsong — Cola Bottle Baby

Ocean Colour Scene — Mariners Song

Jean-Michel Jarre — Oxygene Part IV

Arctic Monkeys — Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secure

Billy Preston — Outta Space

Wham! — Come On

The Jam — Happy Together

Plan B — Stay Too Long

For other Crawley Town pieces from this season check out the list below.

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