Biography of A Corporate Slave : The Rebel

Vajra fells a great enemy

Photo by author on Medium

He readied himself. This was it. He had with great effort willed himself to this stage and now there was no going back. He stood stark naked, quite literally in fact, before his great enemy. He looked up at the scourge and bared his freshly brushed teeth at it. With a chilling coldness, he slid his thumb across his throat, a terrifying gesture. He stepped towards his great foe.

A cold shower.

As soon as his foot entered the doomed circle of cold waters, chills went throughout his body. But he forced himself inwards until completely encompassed by the showers’ horrifying embrace.

Vajra was seized by an uncontrollable panic-induced dance as the cold waters tickled his body. His body wanted to flee the clutches of the cold shower but his spirit made him hold his ground. Today was different, thought Vajra. He had decided the night before, he will break free from his monotonous life. And what better way to herald this break than by making a brave stand against the dreaded wild, unheated, dangerous, life- threatening … maybe not life-threatening but pretty scary all the same ... cold shower.

After hardly 30 seconds of his disturbing dance, he jumped out of the shower and turned off the faucet. A small voice in his head informed him that in his “brave” stand against the shower he had forgotten to apply soap on himself. Vajra quickly suppressed the voice. It was not about personal hygiene. It was about sending a message. To the Universe.

There didn’t seem to be any observable evidence that the Universe, the unfathomably large congregation of galaxies and star systems and aged at at least few billion years old, confirmed the reception of the intended message from the minuscule spec of space dust known as Vajra and his battle with even smaller H2O molecules. But Vajra gained something from the epic battle.

A cold.

As Vajra coughed and sneezed his way through breakfast, if you can call vegan protein powder with water and leftover chips “breakfast” (but Vajra insists), a thought troubled him. How much should he ask for the documentary on his life when producers beg to make a biopic on him? But he brushed aside this musing. There was a more urgent topic he needed to address before he left for office. Namely, which actor in the world could possibly do justice to his dashing looks in his biopic? He sighed. Hardly 15 minutes since he became a great man and so many problems. But if this is what it takes to be a great man, then so be it, decided Vajra, as he slowly bit into Low-Fat Digestible Baked Not Fried Potato Crisps (TM).

Quick sprays of his favourite perfume and adjustments to his shirt, Vajra sallied forth with the force of thunder from his abode. Today was special, thought Vajra. I can move mountains, felt Vajra. He returned few minutes later to his apartment as he had forgotten his car keys. But then when he was all ready and set, he finally flew. Carpe Diem. He was going to set fire today. To what exactly he wasn’t sure, but there was certainly going to be fire.

Vajra almost got fired that day. Turns out in his enthusiasm he had forgotten some important papers that he was supposed to submit in the morning. The papers were not important in themselves but were part of a formality. But their absence gained significance today as today was the last day for submission after a chain of regular reminders.

Sincere apologies and expression of regrets averted unemployment for the moment. But the whole experience had had a dampening effect on his energy. He was feeling low. So, like a responsible adult he decided to deal with his problems in a healthy way: he walked to the pantry and made himself a strong concoction of coffee and sugar.

“Bad day?” asked Pev.

Pev was another software developer in the same team as Vajra’s. He prepared his regular drink of green tea and honey drops. Weak.

“Nothing worse than a Monday” answered Vajra.

Pev was kind of cool though, thought Vajra. His work was always on time and always seemed to be in everyone’s good books. He tore through deadlines like he was eating biscuits. Vajra wondered with a sudden pang of fear, what if he showers with cold water too? Vajra saw as Pev added a little more honey to his green tea. Impossible. Vajra relaxed.

“So, how was your weekend?” asked Pev. Classic Monday question.

“Good! How about yours?”

Classic response to the classic Monday question.

“Good.”

Classic response to the classic response to the classic Monday… you get the idea. But something stirred inside Vajra. He wanted to break free from tradition. He remembered he was a changed man. And he was going to rebel! He locked eyes with Pev and straightened himself up. Pev was visibly shook seeing this sudden change in Vajra’s body language. Vajra spoke:

“So, what are your plans for the weekend?”

Never in Numatech’s history, had someone asked a classic Friday question on a Monday! This was blasphemy. Yet so bold. Vajra smiled smugly as he could see Pev was left speechless. Well, truth be told Pev was just confused. But all Vajra could see was submission. Vajra dramatically chugged in the rest of his coffee in one quick swing. He had seen a Viking chieftain do something similar in a show he had recently watched. He immediately regretted doing it as the coffee almost burnt him unconscious. But he did not let the smile leave his face.

“I should get back to work” blurted Vajra.

He quickly turned away and exited the pantry. Not because he had any urgent work but because he could feel his eyes tearing up from the searing pain. Show no sign of weakness.

He sat down at his cubicle and logged in his laptop. Somehow, he had managed to get cough, cold, a burnt throat and teary eyes.

Taro (lead software developer) caught a glimpse of Vajra, a tear rolling down his left eye, scrolling through his outlook inbox, as he walked past Vajra’s cubicle to get his own morning poison. He felt pity for Vajra. Checking mails on Monday can be a very hard thing to do. Bugs reports, requirement alignments, build fails and the lot can be too much for someone just in after a weekend. After all, we all are humans and not machines. To feel bogged down by work is nothing but natural and as lead dev he felt his teammates must feel free to express these feelings.

“Are you okay Vajra?” invited Taro, voice full of concern.

“Of course,” shot Vajra, “I’ve had a cold shower.”

Taro stared blankly for a few seconds and then continued walking. Vajra remained as confusing (or confused?) as ever. He found Pev in the pantry looking thoughtful.

“Hey, how was your weekend?” greeted Taro.

“Good! How about yours?” replied Pev.

“Good!”

Pev relaxed with the restoration of tradition in the sacred premises of the pantry. Vajra had defiled it with his antics. Coffee addict.