Dodging Annoying Ad Calls and Pushy Salespeople

Because Our Time is Too Precious for Random Offers, Machan!

Funny customer care conversation

We’ve All Been There, Right?

I’m just your average Indian software developer, chilling with my filter coffee, coding away, when — BAM! — my phone buzzes with yet another spam call. You know the ones: random uncles trying to sell you credit cards, insurance, or some “million-dollar investment plan.” Instead of smashing my phone in frustration, I’ve turned these calls into my personal comedy show.

As a dev who loves a good laugh, Im trying to make it as the art of trolling these telemarketers. Here’s my guide to dodging those pesky cold calls with some desi swag, plus meme templates to capture the vibe. Let’s get into it!

Even if you go out, the mall, the station, even the small tea stall — someone’s always out to sell you something. Welcome to modern India, boss.

1. The “Clueless School Kid” Move

My personal favorite for cold calls is the classic “I don’t understand as im minor kid” It’s simple, effective, and sometimes genuinely true.

You: (Answer phone) “Hello?”

Them: “Hi, I’m calling from XYZ Bank, and we have an incredible offer for a new credit card with zero annual fees!”

You: (In a slightly confused, hesitant voice) “Uh… sorry, uncle? What’s this about? I’m not getting it?”

Them: (Usually a pause, then a slightly rephrased attempt) “It’s about a credit card, sir. Would you like to save money?”

You: (More confused) “Credit card? Arre, I’m just a Collage kid, anna. Do school kids get credit cards?”

Them: (Often gives up here) “Okay, thank you for your time.”

Why it works: It’s hard to sell something to someone who genuinely seems to not grasp the concept, and they dont have money or not the targeted audience .

The “Clueless School Kid” Move

2. The “Already Ahead of You” Move

When someone approaches me directly about a credit card in person or call, I deploy the “I already have that one” defense.

Salesperson: “Excuse me, sir! Are you interested in a fantastic new credit card from ABC Bank?”

You: (With a confident, slightly dismissive wave) “Oh, ABC Bank? Yeah, already got it. Great card!”

Salesperson: “Oh! What about our premium variant with more rewards?”

You: “Yep, got that too. Maxed out all the benefits, actually. Thanks anyway!”

Why it works: It implies you’re already a savvy customer and don’t need their pitch. Plus, it’s hard to argue with someone who claims to have already utilized their product to its fullest.

The “Already Ahead of You” Move

3. The “Language Barrier” (Purila Macha)

This one is a bit niche, but incredibly fun if you can pull it off. If they switch to Hindi (or any language you do understand, but they don’t know you do), pretend you don’t know that language, and then double down by pretending you don’t know English either ask for malaaylam or even japanish as even thought i dont undetrsand either

Variation 1: Regional Language Dodge

Them: (In Hindi) “Sir, we have a great offer for a loan…” You: (shaking head, lost) “Arre, sorry, moja Hindi nahi malum.” Them: (switches to English) “Sir, I’m saying we have a great loan offer for you.” You: (bewildered, slight shrug) “Sorry, anna, I don’t know English either. Enaku Tamil/Malayalam theriyum. Can you talk in that?” Them: (stuttering) “Uh… we don’t have anyone for that.” hangs up

Variation 2: Wild Card Chaos

Them: (In Hindi) “Sir, we have a great offer for a loan…” You: (frowning, confused) “Sorry, moja Hindi nahi samajh mein aata.” Them: (switches to English) “Okay, sir, it’s a loan offer…” You: (doubling down) “English also no, boss. Can you speak Japanese? Or maybe Malayalam? ” Them: “Why only regional language?” You: (deadpan) “It’s my preference, bro. Only Malayalam or Japanese, please.” They give up in confusion.

Language Barrier as tool

Why it works: You’re a linguistic black hole. They can’t sell to someone who’s basically speaking alien. Bonus points for throwing in a language you don’t even know — it’s peak chaos.

4. The “Uno Reverse” Move

This is where you flip the script and take control. Two ways to play it:

Case 1: The Better Offer Burn

Listen to their whole pitch, then hit them with a better alternative.

Them: “Sir, our bank’s credit card gives 2% cashback on dining!” You: (nodding thoughtfully) “Hmm, not bad. But you know, DEF Bank gives 5% cashback on dining and free airport lounge access. Why should I go with yours?” Them: (flustered) “Uh, well, ours has no annual fee…” You: (smirking) “DEF’s got no annual fee and a free OTT subscription. Tough competition, no?” They scramble to recover, but you’ve already won.

The Better Offer Burn

Case 2: The Fake Review Hustle

For those sketchy calls asking for “reviews” (you know, the borderline scam ones), flip it back on them.

Them: “Sir, could you please give us a 5-star review for our service? It would really help us out!” You: (enthusiastic) “Oh, reviews? Absolutely, I can help! I actually run a side hustle — I charge ₹1000 for a 5-star review. Would you like to write one for me?” Them: (confused) “Uh, no, we were actually asking you to review us…” You: (doubling down) “Ah, same difference, right? I can give you ten thousand for 2 reviews. That’s a bulk discount, buddy!”

They hang up, likely questioning their life choices.

Fake Review Hustle

Why it works: You’re not just dodging; you’re throwing their pitch back at them with a humorous twist. It’s like playing Uno and slapping down a Reverse card.

Final Thoughts

The goal isn’t to be mean, but to protect your time and sanity with a bit of humor. These moves turn annoying encounters into stories you’ll laugh about later. So go forth, dodge those calls like a pro, and maybe even have some fun while you’re at it!

What about you? Got any brilliant tricks for escaping pesky salespeople or spam calls? Drop your stories below — I’d love to hear how you survive the salespocalypse!