Fascist Summer Fashions For Every Budget
Nothing says ‘fun in the sun’ like State-issued jumpsuits and work camp couture
Fascist Summer Fashions For Every Budget
Nothing says ‘fun in the sun’ like State-issued jumpsuits and work camp couture.
Illustration by Julia Carlson
Things are heating up — not in the climate, but in your closet! Do not leave the house without these must-haves for summer. In fact, do not leave the house at all. Stay home, like the good Sister of the Regime that you are.
Your Uniform: Gray is the New Sand
Illustration by Julia Carlson
Still blending in when you accompany your little ones to the backyard sandbox? Sand is so last season. This summer, express your adoration for our Supreme Leader with an exciting Feldgrau palette inspired by our titans of industry. State-issued uniforms now come in Stone, Coal Mine, and — for our truly fashion-forward Sisters — Oven Ash. Now with exactly one pocket.
49 AmeriBucks (40 with ration card). By Hugo Boss.
Accessory Spotlight: Luxe Vintage Clutch
Illustration by Julia Carlson
This whimsical throwback recalls a time when women were not only allowed to possess money, but to carry it around like pirates. Today, this clutch is perfect for hiding your Filth Plugs during the Evil Time of the month.
Bonus points for decking out your clutch with embroidered patches or pins. Choose from one of two State-sanctioned insignias: Fasces Bat or The Iron Apple (Unsure which insignia fits your personality type? Take our quiz.)
887 in AmeriBucks or ration coupons, or 114 hours of labor. By Oscar de la Renta.
A Fresh Twist on the Dirndl
Illustration by Julia Carlson
You’ve never not left the house like this before. Dolce & Gabbana have partnered with the First Wife to create their most technologically advanced dirndl to date.
If you thought the apron was exciting, just wait til you try the new surplice neckline, which improves breast unsheathing and infant latch speed by up to thirty-seven seconds.
As if that weren’t enough, skirts now come in two lengths — Frau and Fraulein. For those of you who have already fulfilled your Sacred Duty, you will be rewarded with skirts that plunge past the ankle. If you’re past the age of fourteen and still dragging your feet, your skirts will fall above the ankle, exposing your sinful female flesh to the world. If that mortification isn’t reason enough to tie the knot yesterday, we don’t know what is.
67 AmeriBucks (50 with trade-in). Marriage certificate required for all Frau purchases.
Fourth of July Fashion for the Whole Fam
Illustration by Julia Carlson
What better way to erase your individuality and disappear into the collective than with these matching, oversized firework tees?
Not only are they stylish and breathable for scorching summer days (which are definitely not getting hotter); a portion of every purchase funds the deportations of Enemies of the State. Now that’s a splurge you can feel good about.
- 5 AmeriBucks per T-shirt for families of 10+.
- 20 AmeriBucks per T-shirt for families of 9 or fewer.
- Childless couples are barred from purchase and should spend the holiday copulating at home.
Just For Him
Illustration by Julia Carlson
For your Lord and Master, these riding trousers with a tailored military jacket epitomize the structure our nation thrives upon. Choose from Snow White, Pearl, or Breastmilk. Trousers come in traditional zipper or velcro fly — for those times when your husband’s need to propagate the race is admirably urgent.
299 AmeriBucks or 2 donations of ejaculate. By Hugo Boss.
Work Camp Couture
Illustration by Julia Carlson
Whether you’ve volunteered for service or you’ve been punished for globalist thoughts, a stint at work camp is no excuse to neglect your style.
These thrifted pieces allow you to mix and match functional workwear — everything from ready-to-wear work boots to head scarves rendered in red, white, and blue. Available at the nearest burn pit from the corpse of your choice.
FREE. Please ensure all corpses are actually deceased before selecting your items. Stealing from a still-breathing Citizen is punishable by death.
Coveting an item not on this list? Go inform your husband of your sin.
Here’s to your most stylish summer yet — for the Fatherland!
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