Top Reasons Trump Owes Me Money

And should pay me from his $1.8 billion slush fund

My bill is in the mail. Photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash

I know what you’re going to say. The $1.8 billion slush fund isn’t a thing. Although Acting Attorney General (Ack) Todd Blanche (Dubois) told Congress that the fund he and Dementia J proposed to pay the victims of weaponization has been killed and won’t see the light of day, he refused to put it in writing. To me, this is extremely odd. Not because the Trump administration is afraid of writing, it happily puts stuff in writing and does the exact opposite all the time. And if somebody else wrote a particular document, like the Constitution, for example, well, the King of Wishful Stinking didn’t write it, so it doesn’t matter. So, yes, the slush fund may be dead, but I’m pretty sure the Terrible Two will find some way to pay their allies and insurrectionists, even if they have to go directly to the back of the Treasury late at night and start handing out bundles of cash under cover of darkness.

Here are the things Trump owes me money for and why he should include me in the payoff.

Reimbursement for years of therapy

Please don’t ask me to touch the doll to show where he hurt me. Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

I’ve never been perfect, but stopped seeing a therapist many years ago. Until you started your first term and everything in a government that was reliable and worked half way decently almost stopped working at all. Until Biden came back in and righted the ship.

Lost job opportunities

I was lucky. My employer kept me on through the COVID shutdown, but I couldn’t look for any other jobs because no one was hiring. For anything.

Hazardous duty pay

You try staying home with two middle school kids who very much need socialization in the form of friendship, rumor mongering, peer pressure and cruel practical joking. Hey! These school lockers won’t stuff themselves, if you catch my drift.

Weight Watchers.

I watched my weight during COVID. I watched it getting higher and higher. PR Wire.

Sure, I got exercise. I walked back and forth to our pantry numerous times every day and, after the kids hid the remote control, I got up to change channels regularly. Still, suffice it to say, there was more of me when COVID ended than when it started.

Alienation of Affection

My children didn’t date during the shutdown and neither did I.

Family therapy

Because familiarity breeds intent.

Work related injury

I now have a nervous tic I didn’t have before. Oddly, it only seems to effect me when everyone’s is at home and I have to do a lot of parenting or when I hear Trump go on and on about how great things will be, Oddly, he never says how good they are under his leadership, he just talks about how good they’ll be at some future date, perhaps in spring when the virus goes away and everything gets better.

But wait, spring is over and it’s summer already….

That’s it. Show’s over. Nothing left to see here. For now.