Filipino Culture

Unique Filipino Dating Customs Outsiders Misunderstand

First is the traditional panliligaw or courtship and the practice of harana or serenade.

A suitor will visit the woman’s house at night (usually bringing his friends with him) and sing love songs to express his affection.

I put the photo of an old Filipino house with a window or balcony because that’s usually where a harana happens. The guy with a guitar will be downstairs singing his heart out while the lady is above, listening and evaluating.

Now let me add another photo:

Yes, that’s a chamber pot.

It is known in Filipino culture that if the guy serenading is handsome and essentially a good partner, then he is safe. But if he’s an unwanted guest bothering the family and being a nuisance to the neighbors at an ungodly hour?

Then he gets The Chamber Pot.

It’s hilarious when non-Filipinos ask about this because they wonder, why would a guy risk this just to court someone? Well, that’s love for you.

There are more:

• Performing physical labor (like chopping wood or fetching water) to prove your worth to a Filipina’s family. It can seem excessive or even old-fashioned to someone from another country, but a lot of people in the provinces still do this.
• Having chaperones when you’re spending time together.
• “Pamamanhikan”—This is usually right before you get married, where the man and his family will visit the woman’s house (bringing food and other gifts) to ask for the family’s blessing and discuss wedding preparations.

Okay this last one is a little cheeky and something I know not all Filipinas do. But “tampo” is also considered a confusing part of Filipino dating, where a woman acts upset and withdraws her affection when a guy does something she doesn’t like.

If a man is late or forgets a promise, she might “make tampo.” She will be quiet and distant and only give one-word answers. I’ve had a lot of memorable moments where I needed to explain this strange practice to foreigners. Sorry guys, it’s somehow both a Woman Thing and a Filipino Thing.

That’s about it, although I know there must be plenty of other little things.

Originally Published on Quora

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