Choice Quotient

Passionately Ambivalent

Do You Lack Feck?

collage by L. J. Kopf

I have plenty to say about ambivalence, but I’m not sure it’s worth saying. Now, that’s ambivalence. I don’t have misgivings about everything, but I have no shortage of glass-half-empty feelings.

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

For a better understanding of ambivalence, let’s break down the word into its component parts. Ambi is very close to Bambi who was a cute animated deer. Valence sounds like an old car name like the 1962 Buick Valence. So ambivalence is appropriately a mixture of a nature fantasy and crass advertising of a gas-guzzling vehicle.

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

While we’re on the subject of ambivalence, let’s address entropy. What’s the connection? Entropy is a fact of life, but I’m not a fan. Sages say awareness of our mortality makes every moment more precious. Thanks, but I could live with fewer reminders.

Unlike trees, our bodies are not going to sprout fresh, green buds in the springtime. The old adage of “If I knew I was going to live this long, I would’ve taken better care of myself” certainly has some truth to it, but no matter what measures you take to preserve your health, there’s no doubt age will cause your body (and probably your mind) to deteriorate. This can be avoided by dying young or having yourself cryogenically frozen — two alternatives that aren’t terribly attractive. So, entropy just keeps on happening. Oh well.

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

Here’s an equivocating review of reviewing products. I feel I spend way too much time reading customer reviews in an attempt to choose a doohickey that won’t fall apart in three months or catch on fire. Psychology books about happiness say the satisfaction obtained from purchases is extremely fleeting. So, instead of buying things, I should have put the time into drawing, writing, walking the dog, trying to save democracy and the environment, or getting a snack. What about the feeling of having too much stuff and the destructive side of capitalism ? It’s so easy to acquire more worldly goods with just a few clicks. Then some some giant corporation wants me to review what I bought in order to encourage other people to order it.

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

Just to be clear for anyone interpreting my leaning left and right drawing as a political statement: my ambivalence does not extend to being even the least bit accepting of the psychopathic fascism currently dominating the dis-United States of America.

But it’s not that simple. I hate how all this hate has poisoned my mind. If the Dalai Lama can forgive the Chinese for invading Tibet, can’t I feel some compassion for these new members of humanity’s long history of inhumanity? The short answer is: no. I’m not enlightened and I don’t love my enemies. I feel guilty about that, but my compassion is for the people (and the world itself) who are being harmed/murdered by these cruel, selfish, power-mad >@$%&#!!s.

Enough of that. I don’t want to spread more hate (than I probably already have). Let’s get back to less heavy material.

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

Many of my favorite novels have protagonists with doubts and skepticism about their lives. Here’s just a few: Billy Pilgrim in Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five, Yossarian in Joseph Heller’s Catch-22, Benny Profane in Thomas Pynchon’s V, Marco Stanley Fogg in Paul Auster’s Moon Palace, and Switters in Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates by Tom Robbins. Robbins, with an ever-present wink, claimed “increasing evidence that the interplay of opposites is the engine that runs the universe” as one of the inspirations for writing that book. I don’t see these fictional characters as role models, but I can identify with some of their conflicted attitudes about the uncertainty of existence.

cartoon by L. J. Kopf

For the most part (even that term indicates some ambivalence), this post is a way for me to put On the Road with Vector into MuddyUm. This five-page strip was printed in 1990 in Pictopia, an anthology magazine published by Fantagraphics Books. Not many people saw it and I’d like it to be available to a larger audience.

graphic story by L. J. Kopf

One danger of ambivalence is being unable to make choices, frozen in fecklessness. Hence, the subtitle of this post Do You Lack Feck?” Maybe I do… sometimes…but not always.

collage by L. J. Kopf

What are you ambivalent about? The internet? Exercise? Winter? Flossing? Tattoos? Jeopardy? Sports? Travel? Lists?

Why would we have dubious doubts about our contemporary existence?

collage by L. J. Kopf

Suggested listening: The Clash — “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN1WwnEDWAM

Wayne Shorter — “Yes or No” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK9CiB1Tu24

The Kinks — “20th Century Man” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vivxyXQmDGQ

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Brand art by David Todd McCarty