Saint Porphyrios, Granola & a Wild Blessing

I am feeling so incredibly blessed this morning to be able to wake up and do two jobs which I absolutely love; caring for my family and writing. I feel the weight of privilege on my shoulders because I know millions of women have no choice but to juggle paid work outside of the home as well as domestic labour, childcare and running a home. I have the incredible privilege to have a husband who can support me to focus solely on running our home, caring for our family and pursue my dreams of writing. As a woman who grew up in poverty, this is an astonishing blessing and I feel the hand of God, caring, guiding and providing when I look back at my life until this point.

But I’m also reminded of how incredibly precious life is. With our priest departed at 43 so suddenly two weeks ago, I have felt a rude awakening to how painfully short and fragile life can be. He was honestly the stoutest and most robust person I knew. It was such a shock that this could happen to him. I suppose there are two ways of responding to this; giving up and thinking ‘What’s the point’ or squeezing every last drop of joy from life whilst we can. I think, given my anxious temperament, that if I didn’t have children I might be thinking ‘What’s the point’ at this stage. It’s hard to see so much death and suffering around you and not to become utterly overwhelmed by all of that pain and the fear that someday, perhaps soon, it will happen to you. But as a parent there is an innate responsibility to live for your children, to carry on protecting, shepherding and loving them because they need us. To give up would be to abandon them, albeit only emotionally and not physically. And I cannot do that to them. So, I am left with no choice but to view every breath I take, every health-ful day where I am not suffering and I am free to live and love as a wild blessing and a sacred honor.

Saint Porphyrios said, ‘It doesn’t concern me how long I will live or whether I will live. That is something I have left to God’s love. It often happens that you don’t want to remember death. It’s because you desire life. That, from one point of view, is a proof of the immortality of the soul. But whether we live, or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. Death is a bridge which will lead us to Christ. As soon as we close our eyes, we will open them on eternity. We will appear before Christ. In the next life we will experience the grace of God more intensely.’

Within Wounded by love, one of my all time favourite books, the Saint goes on to entreat us not to pray for our health, but rather to pray for God’s mercy. My dear departed priest has often said something similar, to be careful not to pray prescriptive prayers, but instead to ask for God’s mercy at all times.

He then goes on to say, ‘If you want to enjoy good health and live for many years, then listen to what Solomon the Wise has to say: Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the counsel of saints is understanding; for to know the law is the mark of a sound mind, for in this way you will live long and years of your life will be added to you.’ This is the secret: for us to acquire this wisdom, this knowledge, and then everything functions smoothly, all things are put in order and we will live with joy and health.’

(http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/elderporphyrios_illness.aspx)

I feel he is asking us to seek God first, God’s grace and His mercy rather than seeking healing and health. Not to deny that we want health and healing, or because praying for healing is bad. I don’t think that’s what he means at all, but he is rather encouraging us to always remember what is the most important, more than physical comfort or even the length of our lives;

God’s mercy upon our souls and our ultimate salvation.

I am in no way spiritually mature enough to be able to pray this way yet; I am too full of worldly cares, anxiety and selfish reliance on people, like my priest. I wanted him to live strong and healthy, honestly, because he helps me, he supports me and my family. I was not thinking of what is best for him, I was thinking about what is best for me.

So I have been inspired in my grief to simplify my prayers;

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

In my suffering recently, it’s been clear to me how incredibly important the role of a homemaker is. People in my family and in my parish are not eating properly (including myself) since our Priest passed. No-one is getting much sleep. Food, in these circumstances gets elevated from a simple physical sustenance to a spiritual need. I have hosted our church family so much this week, feeding them in my own home. And they need to be fed, with love and with gentleness. They (& I) need to be embraced, cared for and loved with the kind of unconditional love that travels straight into a person’s soul. I think food, made with prayers and wild love, can do this. I think it is powerful. So I will be sharing recipes each week from my kitchen table to yours, within my Substack Newsletter. Please head on over to subscribe for free. This week, I feature a Hearty, Soul-Nourishing Granola recipe.

This is taken from the Loaf and Quill, my weekly newsletter where I share my reflections on the creative process, faith and homemaking whilst eating a large slice of buttered sourdough and hot tea. If you enjoy my writing and would like to continue receiving these Newsletters, please subscribe for free and share this publication with a friend https://ethelhardy.substack.com/

Thank you