How to Stop Saying Sorry So Much in English at Work

By Mike Fox | Professional English Coach & Qualified Careers Coach

Jacob Lund | Credit: Jacob Lund / YouWorkForThem

I want to start with a confession. This morning, on my way to work, someone walked straight into me on the street. They weren’t looking where they were going. They walked into me. And I apologised to them. I’m British. I genuinely cannot help it.

Now, if you’re reading this as a non-native English speaker, you might find that either very funny or deeply relatable. Perhaps both. The British reputation for excessive apologising is well-earned and well-documented. But here is the thing: the kind of over-apologising I want to talk about today is not the British kind. It looks similar on the surface. It comes from a completely different place. And its effect on your professional credibility is significant.

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The British Sorry — A Cultural Code

The British relationship with the word “sorry” is genuinely fascinating. Research confirms what most people already sense: British people apologise significantly more than Americans for everyday occurrences, including sneezing, interrupting someone, and making a joke that lands badly.

Linguists explain this through the concept of negative-politeness culture. Despite the slightly misleading name, this is not a criticism of British social norms. It simply describes a culture whose social rules are built around avoiding imposition, smoothing over friction, and maintaining harmony; even at the cost of sincerity. In British culture, “sorry” has become so instinctively used that it functions almost like a punctuation mark in everyday conversation; said not because speakers genuinely mean it, but because it is socially expected.

Within British culture, this works perfectly. Everyone understands the code. When a British person apologises for being walked into, no one in the vicinity thinks any less of them. The word carries a social meaning; I acknowledge you, I respect your space, I mean no offence; that is immediately understood by everyone in earshot. But here is where it becomes relevant to you.

When the Code Doesn’t Transfer

If you are a non-native English speaker working in an international professional environment, you are not operating inside the British cultural code. You are operating in a more neutral, cross-cultural professional context; one where the word “sorry” does not carry the same automatic social meaning.

Research on second language learners has found that people tend to transfer their home culture’s pragmatic rules and communication norms directly into English; meaning they apply their first language’s apology conventions when speaking English, which can create communication difficulties when interacting with people from different cultural backgrounds.

This matters enormously. If your first language and culture uses apology as a form of deference, humility, or respect; which many cultures do; you will naturally bring that habit into your professional English. But the effect in an international workplace is different from what you intend.

What feels like politeness to you can read as uncertainty to your colleagues. What feels like respect can read as a lack of confidence. What feels like being considerate can quietly undermine the professional authority you have worked hard to build.

Research on cross-cultural apology has found that although apologies generally increase forgiveness and reduce conflict across cultures, the way an apology lands, and the inferences people draw from it, varies significantly depending on the cultural context of both speaker and listener.

In short: the same words mean different things in different rooms.

The Three Types of Professional Over-Apologising

In my coaching work with professionals from across the world, I see three distinct patterns of over-apologising that consistently undermine professional credibility. Each has a simple, natural replacement that sounds more confident, without sounding abrupt or rude.

Type 1: The Pre-Emptive Sorry

This is the sorry you say before making a point; to soften it, to apologise in advance for taking up space in the conversation.

It sounds like this:

“Sorry, I just wanted to say…” “Sorry, I think maybe…” “Sorry, could I just add something?”

The intention is entirely understandable. You want to be polite. You don’t want to appear pushy or overconfident. You are aware that you are contributing in a language that isn’t your first, and you want to signal that awareness respectfully.

But here is what your colleagues actually hear. They hear: I’m not sure I should be saying this. They hear: I’m not confident in what I’m about to say. They hear: you don’t have to take this seriously. That is the opposite of the impression you want to create.

The replacement: A confident entry phrase that does the same social job, signalling that you are about to contribute; without the self-undermining effect of an apology.

“I’d like to add something here.”

“Building on that point…”

“I see it slightly differently, in my experience…”

“Could I make a point here?”

Type 2: The Permission Sorry

This is the sorry you use to ask for space in the conversation — to interrupt, to ask a question, or to make yourself heard when others are speaking.

It sounds like this:

“Sorry to interrupt…” “Sorry, can I ask something?” “Sorry, I didn’t understand that.”

Again, the instinct is good. In many cultures, interrupting is considered genuinely rude, and softening it with an apology is the correct social move. In some professional contexts it still is. But in most international English-speaking professional environments, there are more effective tools that signal the same consideration without the same credibility cost.

For contributing or interrupting:

“Could I just come in here…”

“Can I add something to that?”

“I’d like to pick up on that point…”

For asking questions:

“I have a question about that…”

“Could you say a little more about…”

“I want to make sure I’ve understood correctly, are you saying that…”

For when you haven’t understood:

“Could you say that again, please?”

“I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Could you give me an example of what you mean?”

Notice something about all of these phrases. They are direct. They are clear. They do not apologise for your presence in the conversation. And, counter-intuitively, asking a direct, clear question without prefacing it with sorry makes you appear more engaged and more confident than hedging it with an apology.

Type 3: The Filler Sorry

This is perhaps the most common pattern and the most invisible, because it has become so automatic.

The filler sorry is the “sorry?” used as a default response to confusion, surprise, or simply not having heard what someone said. Just one word. Rising intonation. A reflexive response when something unexpected happens in the conversation.

As noted above, in British English this is entirely normal, nobody thinks twice about it. But for non-native speakers who are already opening sentences with sorry and prefacing questions with sorry, adding it as a filler compounds the overall impression of uncertainty.

The alternatives are simple and immediately sound more assured:

“Could you repeat that?”

“I didn’t catch that, could you say it again?”

“Pardon?”, slightly more formal, perfectly natural in most professional contexts

“Say that again?”, direct and confident

Why This Matters More Than It Might Seem

This is not simply a matter of swapping one phrase for another. There is a deeper psychological dimension worth understanding. There is a well-established concept in communication research called linguistic self-presentation; the idea that the words we choose do not merely convey information, they communicate how we see ourselves. And they shape how others see us.

Research suggests that habitual over-apologising is often not about genuine remorse at all, but about managing our own discomfort and meeting social expectations; which means it frequently functions as a signal of anxiety rather than consideration.

When you habitually open your professional contributions with sorry, you are not just being polite. You are presenting yourself as someone who needs permission to speak. And over time; across meetings, calls, and presentations; that self-presentation accumulates. It becomes, quietly and without your intention, part of your professional identity in the room.

The good news is that this works in reverse. When you begin replacing sorry with confident entry phrases, something interesting happens. Your colleagues begin to perceive you differently. And, perhaps more importantly, you begin to perceive yourself differently. The language leads the confidence. Not the other way around.

Research comparing British and American apology strategies found that the way apologies are used and interpreted varies significantly even within English-speaking cultures; suggesting that the pragmatic meaning of sorry is far less universal than most speakers assume.

This is precisely why explicit coaching on professional language, rather than simply immersion in English, makes such a difference. Immersion teaches you the words. Coaching helps you understand the social and psychological effects of how you use them.

A Note on Cultural Values

I want to be careful here, because this point matters. Many of my students come from cultures where deference, humility, and putting others first are deeply held values; where asserting yourself too confidently is genuinely considered disrespectful or arrogant. I want to acknowledge that explicitly. Those values are real, and they come from real wisdom about how communities function and how relationships are maintained.

Cross-cultural research on workplace apology has found consistent differences in apology behaviour across nationalities, shaped by factors including power relationships, social distance, and the cultural norms around responsibility and face-saving. There is no single universal standard for professional communication, and anyone who tells you otherwise is being culturally arrogant.

I am not saying is that you should abandon your cultural values. What I am saying is that international professional environments operate by a particular set of norms and that navigating those norms effectively, while remaining authentically yourself, is a learnable skill. Part of what good coaching does is help you hold both things at once: your values, and the communication tools to be fully seen in the contexts you operate in.

Stopping the over-apologising is not about becoming someone you are not. It is about letting who you already are be visible.

If today’s article resonated with you and you would like to work on this together, I offer a free 30-minute discovery call. No pressure, no obligation, just an honest conversation about where you are and whether coaching might help.

References

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Mike Fox is a Professional English Coach and qualified Careers Coach based in the UK, with a 1st class degree in Psychology and over 3,000 hours of one-to-one coaching experience. He works with professionals across the world who want to communicate with greater confidence, clarity, and impact in English.