Is this a product of growing up…

…Or is “connection” becoming a performative LinkedIn term instead of expressing actual bonding?

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Once you reach adulthood and responsibilities suddenly start accumulating like rain on a sunny day, maintaining friendships becomes harder, let alone finding real friends.

I’ve heard the same thing everywhere: Books, shows, relatives, social media, older friends. But that’s not my problem yet. I have college in a year, and I’m hastily indulging in my last few teenage years.

Still, I can’t help but feel an air of weirdness towards the idea of meeting new people. It might be my own issue — a lack of professional connections that I can rely on (because the expectations of being 17 are sadly beyond just having fun and existing). This may not represent society overall, but it’s what I personally feel as I slowly transition into being independent for the first time.

Interactions between people seem to revolve around the hopes of gaining new opportunities, staying in the “good books” of others, making a good impression, and being memorable, etc. None of these are bad to wish for, but where does friendship fit in when each conversation seems more like a personal sales pitch?

In the professional world, it seems as if your performance takes over. The achievements to your name — a bunch of words and numbers that almost have a chokehold on most people's path to success and their self-worth. Nowadays, not only has the intensity of this pressure increased, but even the rate at which you’re able to succeed. Tell me why my friend and I, among many others my age, have started thinking about our own brands and businesses, way before completing our teenage years?

A bond between two or more people is special; it’s unique. Not everyone may understand it, but not everyone is a part of it, that’s the point. The relationship between two people and their individual personalities is what gives rise and value to a connection. A genuine interaction between friends, or even strangers, does not need to prove anything. It just exists, sacred to those involved. So when that “bond” turns into a formal, people-pleasing blueprint embedded into every interaction, mimicking a Tinder dating portfolio…

You’d think that what I’m saying is basic knowledge, common sense even. But it feels as though the intent behind socializing has started to take on a more opportunistic view rather than genuine curiosity, and the lines have been blurred. Heck, sometimes I wonder if people fake curiosity, although it may be easily discernible.

No one seems to know what they actually want from a social interaction. As I’m writing this, I realized that this way of thinking also hinders our ability to be genuine. Why am I thinking about what an interaction might produce? Are we really at a point where actual friendship is something to be achieved and planned for? Personally, I appreciate my friendships and our activities for what they are, but I still find this thinking to be dangerous. Anyways. Have we perhaps reached a stage of capitalism that profits off of our day-to-day connections? Who knows. All I know is that something doesn’t feel right, and in fact, feels a bit fake.

Don’t get me wrong, this article doesn’t mean that genuine curiosity, friendships and bonds can’t be used to support each other career-wise. I don’t want to question the ability of two individuals or friends working together in a professional manner while maintaining an actual bond, trust, and care. Rather, I'm questioning the intent of most individuals before they jump into any conversation. Is it just to one-up themselves and grow an ego rather than a connection? I’m starting to notice this with people (and “friends”) my own age. I’ve even caught myself doing this a few times.

Maybe this happens to most people as they graze the “a” of adulthood; a realization dawned alongside growth like a complementary, yet forceful feeling no one asked for. But I still feel too young to be experiencing this phenomenon.

So, I think this new, uncomfortable view towards social interactions encompasses something beyond just moving through the stages of life. There may be a broader societal, cultural, and economic shift taking place that’s causing “connection” to increasingly sound like a buzzword.