Conversations With an Evangelical, Part Three

Loving Our Trans Neighbors

All rights © Heather M. Edwards

The subject line read “Homosexuality and the Bible.”

Even knowing my liberal-leaning politics and my liberation theology Catholicism, an Evangelical acquaintance of mine emailed me, asking me to “chime in” on a thread about gay people, drag queens, transgender people, and minors getting gender reassignment surgeries.

I wasn’t sure there was any point in responding.

But. This Trump-voting far-right Christian conservative reached out to people completely outside his echo chamber, to people he knows disagree with him. That’s open-minded of him, right? That’s progressive and objective, right? This is someone who’s curious about and perhaps receptive to other perspectives. That is exactly what we need.

I am a cisgender, straight woman. I can’t speak about homosexuality, transgender issues, or drag queens from experience, and I don’t speak for communities I’m not a part of. But as Kitty Whitemore says, I am a cister. At least I’m trying to be. I adore this term, but it also bears a responsibility beyond just acceptance and kindness. As someone who’s never been persecuted for my gender identity or sexuality, I have more bandwidth than some folx to do the emotional labor of trying to change hearts and minds. And, tragically, it is often safer for cishet people to engage with far-right conservatives and Christians, especially on these topics.

Below is my email response to just some of the Evangelical panic about transgender people, reassignment surgeries, and that our holiest call to love one another is an opportunity not an obligation. I’ve removed names and other identifying details.

If a conservative in your life is asking for your liberal perspective, please feel free to use any or all of what I’ve written if you are too psychologically and spiritually exhausted to do additional biblical, theological, and historical research and jump into the fray. Copy and paste it. Reword it. Add your own researched sources. Anything that might help us slow the spread of fundamentalism and Christian nationalism is worth trying.

I can’t guarantee that it will work or that it will work right away. But we owe it to those who are unfairly and unethically targeted to try to make society safe, accepting, and ideally, empowering.

Please feel free to share your recommendations, insights, and experiences in the comments.

My third and final email response/missive

[His Name] — thank you again for reaching out to people who likely have different opinions (another progressive Christian was part of this email thread). The open mind is a remarkable resource. And an exquisite gift.

A few things for your consideration.

If I found out that someone had gender-corrective surgery and later regretted it (he specifically asked about this outlier) I would be absolutely heartbroken for them, particularly if there isn’t recourse to change back. But this is the extreme danger of preaching and legislating from the margins. When we hyper-focus on a statistically insignificant sample size and then apply it to the whole, we risk the safety and sanity and happiness of the vast majority for an exceptionally small minority.

But when you see the peace and calm and groundedness that trans people have after they have made the exterior match the interior, so to speak, it just inspires me to get closer to my truest, God-given self. For some of us that means pursuing a dream career or starting a family. For people with an initial challenge, it means fixing part of their body or a lot of their body before they can even focus on goals outside of their bodies. I haven’t met a lot of trans people, but the ones I have are some of the most grounded, content people I know. They’re not euphoric; they just feel like they’re finally home — at home in their own bodies — where you have to live your entire life. I want everyone to feel at home, especially in their own bodies. I don’t want anyone to feel like they’ve never belonged before.

When we hosted Claire Hall during the pandemic, it was remarkable to hear her story. She transitioned at 62 — while in public office in rural Oregon. No one would ever choose such a difficult path, so fraught with the potential for rejection, persecution, and even violence and death, unless what they are suffering inside is greater than what they might suffer from outside. These children of God are in pain, and they need love and support and full acceptance — not “in spite of” who they are but because of who they are.

[His Name], like I said, I used to believe some of what my Church taught about homosexuality. Like you, it never made me hate anyone, but I just quietly believed that what they were “choosing” to do was wrong. But that belief always felt prickly inside, not quite like a poison or rot, but definitely not right and not good. Now I realize that tension was discomfort because it meant I was acting like God, like I knew what was right for someone else, like I had any sacred authority to judge. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” still requires us to hate. Not only is that not our job, it is not Christ-like. It hurts the ones we hate and it hurts ourselves from the inside out.

When I let go of all those manmade mortal interpretations, I could clearly see the beauty of human souls. To exaggerate just a little, it felt like those videos where someone who is colorblind gets one of those corrective lens set of glasses and sees color for the first time. It wasn’t a lightning bolt or anything super melodramatic. It was just a quiet awe for the beauty of everyone God has created. [His Name], I feel joyful. I feel peaceful. I feel calm in the fullness of Christ’s love. Because I have fully accepted all of His children the way I know He created me, loves me, and accepts me. It’s a lovely place to be. While we owe it to our brothers and sisters in Christ to accept them, to love and serve them, what I was not expecting was how much more joyful I would feel. I thought accepting “them” was something I had to do for their benefit. I never realized how much lighter and happier I would feel. I have no tension or conflict in my heart anymore. Just a quiet loving peacefulness in following the rightness of Christ’s love. We do not have to follow every translated-multiple-times word of the Bible literally to follow God’s calling to the fullest.

That doesn’t mean that I have to make the pride flag my whole personality or paint my house in rainbow colors. It just means I’m living a fuller, richer life now — more open to love and be loved by even more of God’s children. My heart is bigger, my world is bigger, and I feel closer to God. It is one of the most quietly liberating things I’ve ever experienced, and I am so, so grateful for a transition I didn’t even know I needed to make.

Our earthly bodies simply do not matter in Heaven. Prayer and grace and living a righteous life have nothing to do with whether you’re overweight, anorexic, diabetic, trans, nearsighted, tattooed, asthmatic, deaf, gay, colorblind, or straight. All of the countless ways that we alter our bodies to be most successful and most comfortable while we’re on Earth have nothing to do with our souls.

Let me tell you about this picture. I burst into tears when I read about what made this organization form.

All rights © Daniel Blevins, Stand In Pride

Somewhere along the way I read about a Pride parade where a dad was wearing a shirt that said “Free Dad Hugs”.

All. Day. Long. Young people collapsed in his arms and sobbed about how their families had kicked them out or disowned them for being gay or trans. The dad was devastated for these kids. I am crying as I write this, just remembering that story because I have been loved and accepted and championed my whole life. And everyone deserves the childhood I was given. Whoever posted the picture said, Imagine that your child is living in so much pain that they collapse in the arms of a complete and total stranger because they read three words on a t-shirt — three words that were everything they were missing in their already challenging life — and were so desperate for love and acceptance that they took it from a stranger. Not only is that soul-crushing and heartbreaking, it makes it all too apparent why gay and trans kids are at an even higher risk of being abused and even trafficked.

We get this one brief beautiful life to be a source of joy, laughter, support, and inspiration for one another. And instead of volunteering with refugees or unhoused youth, too many Christians are turning inward with Bible study or prayer groups hyper-focused on not accepting children of God.

[His Name] — imagine the extraordinary community we would live in if more Christians were like you. I remember when you [very empowering and generous act he quietly did for two local unhoused people]. So you invested your time and money in making the lives of strangers a little easier.

When you found out about that hateful sign some neighbor posted in response to the asylum seekers and refugees coming from Mexico and Central America and a Hispanic family moving in next door, you went and ripped that sign right out of their lawn and took it to one of the most well-known local voices with a platform. Truly a righteous act that to this day I hold up as one of my favorite stories. You fought for someone who is functionally, through no fault of their own, the least of these.

You fought for funding for [great local NGO] even though you were met with extreme opposition.

You’re out there sloshing through God knows what at every [quarterly environmental cleanup].

When I was looking for a job for a [foreign-national] grad student whose student visa was expiring, you reached out and asked if she would be willing to “settle” for a job that was likely beneath her skill set but that would still enable her to stay.

Imagine if every Christian devoted their time, heart, and money to helping and protecting vulnerable strangers, neighbors made to feel unwelcome, our environment and local waterways, and extremely high-risk youth. Those Christians just wouldn’t have any time left to worry about who’s in love or how other people feel about their own bodies because they would simply be too busy doing the Lord’s work on Earth.

Like you. You’re not flashy or greedy for praise. You just serve with love.

Thank you for living your values. You inspire me to do more. I hope I can inspire you to maybe shift your heart’s focus from gay and trans people trying to live their best fullest lives, (I promise you from my heart that is a burden you do not need to carry), to living our fullest most Christian lives.

My best to you both, thanks for listening, H

Read “Part One: Homosexuality and the Bible” here.

Read “Part Two: Drag Queens Aren’t Dangerous, Straight Men Are” here.