I Hope Heaven is Worth it

A Poem About Religious Trauma by Rae Calkins

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You’ve spent your entire lives in servitude to your god all so that you could earn that eternal afterlife and avoid eternal suffering.

All the while ignoring the suffering you cause in this life the people you hurt the people you hate for being different

And all the while missing the reward and the treasures in this life

I don’t know how you can believe in a god who would send people to suffer forever for loving someone of the same gender or for not fitting into or conforming to society’s gender roles or norms.

I don’t know how you believe in an ancient book written by corrupt men whether or not in was ‘inspired by god’ the men that wrote it still had their own biases their own greed their own corrupt beliefs that bled into its pages.

I don’t know how you can believe in a god who values servitude over actually being a good person who cares more about you going to church, reading the bible and not sinning than about you actually living kind and compassionate lives helping your fellow human without strings attached feeding the hungry without also needing to force scripture down their throats.

Most of all, I don’t know how you can choose this god over your own children.

People often talk about how much christianity does for society the charities, food drives, clothing drives but none of it is done without strings attached

Why do you need a bible, an ancient book, to tell you how to be kind? Why do you require moral rules to know that harming people is wrong? Why can’t you simply help people because it’s the right thing to do instead of helping them so you can convert as many people as possible?

Are you really so afraid of hell that you would do anything in this life to make it to heaven? Do you really value an afterlife more than this life that you have been given?

Even if there is a god I doubt they would care about christianity’s rules I doubt they would require you to beg forgiveness to serve and crawl on knees to earn their favor. If there is a god it is not the god described by christianity because no all powerful or all loving god would create beings with free will and then claim ownership over them or demand servitude from them.

This christian god has been used throughout all of history as a tool for social control and harm they teach us from birth we are unworthy of life and that we need to ask forgiveness for our existence.

Your version of god is reminds me of an abusive ex or abusive parents who want to keep you dependent on them who brainwash you and convince you that you are unworthy and only they can save you.

And you are willing to give up everything for this god? You are willing to hate and scorn your own child? Why…

Your god will not be there for you in your final years of life when you are too sick and too frail to take care of yourselves your children will be the ones taking care of you. And despite everything you’ve done to me even I will not abandon you in your old age so why do you continue to choose this god over me?

A true god would want you to love your children and your family first A true god would not bind you in chains disguised as a holy book A true god would not create you and then make you beg forgiveness for your existence A true god would care more about you working on yourselves and becoming kinder, more open minded, more compassionate people and they would care less about you jumping through hoops going to church, asking forgiveness, praying, reading the bible, or any of that.

I know I cannot change your minds and you will never choose me over your god it is hard to leave an abuser just as it was hard for me to leave the church.

So all I can do is say this I hope that heaven is worth it when you finally get there I hope it will be worth all of the horrible things you did in this life to get there.

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