💗🎼 I sang on stage with the Wholehearted Chorus 🎵

110 singers + MaMuse + 5 piece band + Lisa + me

WOW.

I could FEEL I was part of something bigger than myself. Something magical.

Lisa & MaMuse taught some of the songs to the audience. At times, there were 800 people singing together. Wow.

6 months ago, I joined the chorus begrudgingly.

It didn’t sound fun. (I don’t like singing in a group.)

I signed up because I was choosing to intentionally move towards discomfort.

“Embrace growth,” they say.

I also wanted to get closer to Lisa. Singing and Song-Leading are a huge part of who she is.

I already try to support her as much as I can. But carrying her guitar case through the airport is one thing… joining her on stage is something entirely different.

It’s not that I’m afraid of performing. I love being in the spotlight. Hand me a microphone and I light up.

But I like talking and telling stories. I like riffing and improvising. (Like when Lisa asked me to announce the raffle winners.)

But I don’t do well with a script.

Even my TEDx talk wasn’t scripted. I just had a list of stories I wanted to tell — and trusted myself to find the flow.

If there is a “right” way to do something, I become panicked about, “doing it wrong.”

I hate the feeling of making mistakes.

To make the chorus even scarier, Lisa expects us to perform the 16 songs from memory.

Yikes. Memorization has always been hard for me.

Before joining the chorus, I had exactly ONE song memorized. “The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy)” by Simon & Garfunkel.

But I stuck with the chorus. Attended practice every two weeks. And at about 5 months in, I started to enjoy myself. I understood why my mom got so much joy singing in her church choir over the years. (My mom was with me in the San Diego chorus! Singing with her was a joy I never imagined experiencing.)

And I started to understand Lisa better.

Her devotional relationship to music started to make more sense. I knew what she meant when she spoke to the chorus about songs being tools or mantras or spells.

And I started to get comfortable with being “not good” at something.

I like being a star. I like admiration and praise.

An older version of me NEEDED it. Some wounded part of me, deep inside, believed that love would be withheld if I didn’t excel.

But this emerging evolution of John is different.

My worthiness is secure. I’m ready to embrace new things with joyful curiosity — without concern for achievement or performance.

The choir was the perfect classroom for me.

With so many voices joining together, it was literally impossible for me to mess it up.

I sang the wrong words MANY times on stage. But it didn’t matter! (When in doubt, my trick was to focus just on singing the vowel sounds. 😜 )

Over the months of practice, I was able to confront my discomfort again and again. The frequent, horrific embarrassment of, “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG” faded into silly little, “whoopsies.”

The last couple practices felt different. I was present in the songs, instead of my head.

My brother and dad came to the San Diego performance to support me and my mom. They were blown away. (I don’t think they expected it to be so GOOD.) I’m proud of both the San Diego and Monterey Choruses. They were incredible shows by any standard. (take a peek)

While I am learning to be okay with being, “sufficient,” I get to witness Lisa being EXTRAORDINARY. I love hearing people shower Lisa with appreciation for her talents and inspiration. Like me, many people in the choir went through transformations & growth.

Now that the applause has died down, would I include “singing” on my list of hobbies I enjoy? Not yet. But I am planning on joining the chorus next year. 😊🎵

• 🎙️ Listen/Watch Lisa interview me about singing (& our relationship) for her “A Song For All Of Us” Podcast.
• 🎙️ Listen/Watch Lisa & I talk about the San Diego performance during my HUG NATION LIVE broadcast.
• 🎙️ Listen to my STAY SPARKED episode #90 “Learning New Things” where I talk about my chorus struggles.