How do I feel about me when I'm nothing and ordinary ?

my Stanley cup/cuppish water bottle

As a daughter of El, one thing El has taught me through one of his books is that, his people …perish because they do not know and they refuse to go for knowledge… .

So I decided that I was going to make a difference and go for knowledge, as he would have me his daughter do. Not only did I read the Bible and other books inspired by him, I listened to people expound his teachings and I also decided I was going to trust the Holy spirit to lead me into knowledge from everything I see. We call it “Relating with wisdom”. It is when you choose to learn by El’s third man( the Holy spirit) lessons from every situation, every object and every thing around you.

One day, I decided I was going to go watch a football match with my classmates and I decided to carry my cuppish water bottle, because it looks really nice and fancy and it was going to add to my fashion.

My mum got my cuppish water bottle from a party as souvenir, I saw it I liked it, and she gave me the water bottle that looks like a cup.

I got to the field and a lot of people complimented my cuppish water bottle; it was while they were appreciating it that I discovered that my beautiful, fancy cuppish water bottle’s was called “Stanley cup” for some reason best known to them a lot of people started tagging me ‘rich’ I didn’t understand why but I just smiled and said thank you. I decided to take pictures and I dropped my water bottle on the floor. While we were taking the pictures some girls passed and they were complimenting my bottle between each other and one of the girls said the price, my water bottle costs around 16,000 in Naira. I was shocked because I didn’t know all this while that I was carrying something that expensive.

It was then I understood the reason people tagged me as ‘rich’, it was because of my water bottle.

At first it gave me this sense of wealth and ‘rich girl’ feeling but because I have El’s third man( the Holy spirit) living in me, he was able to break that mentality off me.

Then I learned a very valuable lesson, Life is so vain that an ordinary cup was sufficient enough to add to my status. I do appreciate the compliment sincerely but; how come I became a rich girl because I was holding a cup ? because it is expensive ?

The way we see people or things should not ever be defined by money. Our self esteem should not be increased by money or material things. If we do this always we will be deceived and never be happy or satisfied in life. Why do I say this ?

I am a middle class woman and clearly even if I had the money I won’t buy a cup like that because 16,000 Naira is to expensive for an ordinary water bottle. But because I was holding that bottle the way people saw me changed as we live in a materialistic world, and our materialistic sense often sort of naturally on its own change or improve the way we see people when we see the material things they hold. But if we approach life with this kind of eyes we will always miss people of value, because real wealth is value. The yard stick to measure wealth should be how much value a person can add to the society, how much a person can offer and how sensible/reasonable they are not how much is in thier bank account, what watch they wear or what brand of water bottle they hold.

Now I’m not saying we should disrespect certain people because to you they have added no value, but I’m saying never let the materials or money a person has shack you so much you want to follow them; you want to be around them because you feel once you get around them they will help you, or the way people will see you just because of your association with them will change. Not only are you opportunistic,self centered but you have low self esteem.

Remember, I said things like this shouldn’t improve or boost your self esteem: this is because a lot of us feel less of ourselves and naturally see ourselves as less, for this reason we buy expensive things for ourselves so that people can see it compliment it and it brings us a sense of pride. This is outright wrong. This too almost happened to me when I overheard the price of my water bottle, it changed the way I saw it and I wanted to add some class to myself because of an ordinary cup.

But this is a trap. Appreciate expensive things but not in such a way that the way you see yourself is tied to a cup, a car or in fact a degree; YES, a degree. This is because a lot of us can’t stand ourselves because we don’t love ourselves enough to accept who we are and work on the way we see ourselves. Instead of working on the way we see ourselves, we instead try to derive some sense of self satisfaction from achievements or material things, when Dad of all says …your worth is far above rubies, PRICELESS! is what you are… .

And for some of us we try to associate ourselves with rich people or smart people so that we can derive a sense of self elevation, pride and adequacy because we feel inadequate in ourselves, those people are the people we desperately want to be and until we are them we are not good enough human beings .

So we hang around certain kind of people( the people we desperately wish we were) so we can give our selves the satisfactory delusion that we are what we desperately want to become by association.

But, the truth is, no matter the achievement, number of houses you get or number of expensive material things you get, if you don’t work on how you see yourself you will never be satisfied.

According to Economists, human needs are insatiable. Is it when human needs are insatiable that you think those achievements and things you’ve gotten will be sufficient enough to add to your esteem, validity or the way you see yourself as a person ?

Any achievement you get because you feel inadequate in yourself to bring you a sense of validity is invalid. I’m not saying you should not grow, but your reason for growth should not be because you don’t feel good enough about yourself.

Your reason for growth should be because as a human there’s no limit to what you can be, and no proper person should settle at the level of mediocrity, not because you are uncomfortable with who you are as a person.

Some of us even go as far as covering up our laziness and inability to be consistent and focused on one thing by engaging in plenty things so we can seem hard working(deluded yourself and others into thinking you are hardworking ).

Instead of doing all that, why not work on yourself personally, fix up those loopholes and improve the way You!🫵 see yourself because, if your source of self satisfaction is based on people’s compliment or the number of things you want to achieve, you will never be satisfied or feel good about yourself because no matter what you do, there definitely are people that will still detest you. And at every juncture in life you will meet this sect. And if you don’t work on the way you see yourself naturally when you meet this ones self disgust will engulf you again and you will self sabotage again, then you will want to reach for the next big thing so that you can derive a sense of self satisfaction as well as want to confound your naysayers when naturally you shouldn’t even try to do that; you should be focused on what the maker has commited into your hands and do it with all your heart, mind and might.

If you continue on this road you will achieve a lot in life but still feel inadequate somewhere around you because your insecurity will always show and it will affect your relationship with people. When people begin to see this thing they respect you less than you want to be treated and you keep feeling less because instead of finding that natural inner satisfaction within you, you are depending on your achievement as well as the applause and compliment of people to complete and increase your self esteem as a person.

So I pose a question to you today remove your achievements, remove your wealth, and just be ordinary you normal you with nothing attached to you, not even your spiritual growth, nothing at all attached to you. Remove all your crowns and ask yourself, evaluate yourself…

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF ?

How do you see yourself ?

What do you think of yourself ?

Do you hate yourself how you are or you down look yourself ?

How do you see you ?

What do you think about you ?

How do you feel about you ?

Until you answer this question please don’t try to reach for the stars because mysery and selfishness will be your portion because you won’t do the things you do with a pure motive but a need for validity and self elevation.

Good night,

I love you and I care about you ❤️