Are We Becoming So Gentle That We Are Forgetting To Raise Gentle Human Beings

The day a 10-year-old made me question modern parenting

Photo by Suzi Kim on Unsplash

“Kids will be kids.” We’ve all heard that phrase countless times. But sometimes, I wonder if we’re using it to excuse behavior that should never become normal.

There are moments in life that last only a few seconds but stay with you for days. A few days ago, that happened to me, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

My husband and I were driving on a narrow road when we reached a blind turn. Another car had positioned itself in a way that blocked almost the entire lane, making it impossible for us to make the turn safely. My husband politely asked the driver if he could reverse his car just a little so we could pass.

Instead of cooperating, he immediately refused and insisted that we should reverse instead. It was obvious that the obstruction was caused by his car, not ours, but he continued arguing. After a brief exchange, he reluctantly backed up his vehicle, although it was clear from his expression that he wasn't happy about it.

As we slowly turned our car, my husband remained focused on the road. I glanced toward the back seat of the other vehicle and saw a boy who couldn’t have been older than ten or eleven years old. He looked directly at us and deliberately raised his middle finger.

For a moment, I was completely speechless. It wasn't because I had never seen that gesture before. What caught me off guard was seeing it come from a child so young, as if it were the most natural way to respond to a stranger.

But what shocked me even more was the reaction of his parents. I expected at least one of them to correct him or tell him that this wasn't acceptable behavior. Instead, they laughed. There was no embarrassment, no attempt to explain why it was wrong, and no effort to teach their son a simple lesson about respect.

We drove away and continued our journey, but my mind stayed with that little boy and his parents. The entire way home, I kept replaying the incident and asking myself the same question: Have we started misunderstanding what gentle parenting is supposed to mean?

These days, gentle parenting is often presented as the ideal way to raise children, and I understand why. Children deserve love, patience, emotional safety, and parents who listen instead of shouting. They deserve to grow up feeling secure rather than fearful.

However, somewhere along the way, it seems that many people have mistaken gentle parenting for permission to avoid correcting their children altogether. Some parents appear to believe that saying "no," setting boundaries, or disciplining a child in an age-appropriate way somehow makes them harsh parents. In reality, those things are an essential part of raising responsible human beings.

Children are not born knowing how to respect others. They learn by watching the adults around them. They observe how their parents speak to strangers, how they respond when things don't go their way, and how they behave during moments of frustration. More importantly, they also notice what their parents choose to ignore.

When a child behaves disrespectfully and no one corrects that behavior, an unspoken message is delivered: This is acceptable. Over time, those small moments shape a child’s understanding of what is normal. If disrespect is met with laughter instead of guidance, why would a child believe they had done anything wrong?

Photo by Joe Hepburn on Unsplash

My Opinion:

I want to make one thing clear. I'm not advocating for harsh parenting, constant scolding, or raising children through fear. I don't believe children should be humiliated or punished for every mistake they make. Mistakes are part of growing up, and every child deserves compassion.

At the same time, love without boundaries isn't guidance—it is neglect disguised as kindness. Correcting a child doesn't mean you love them less. In fact, setting limits is one of the greatest expressions of love because it prepares them for a world that will not always overlook their mistakes.

A child who is never told that their behavior is unacceptable may grow up believing that every emotion justifies every action. They may think that being angry gives them permission to insult others or that confidence means never being held accountable. Unfortunately, the real world doesn't work that way.

Sooner or later, children leave the comfort of their homes and enter classrooms, workplaces, friendships, and relationships where respect matters just as much as confidence. If they haven't learned empathy, self-control, and accountability at home, life has a much harsher way of teaching those lessons.

I still think about that little boy from time to time. Not because he showed me the middle finger, but because I can't help wondering what he learned that day. Did he learn that disrespect is funny? Did he learn that accountability belongs to someone else? Or did he simply learn that his parents would defend him, no matter how he behaved?

Perhaps the conversation around parenting today shouldn't be about choosing between strict parenting and gentle parenting. Maybe the real goal is balanced parenting—raising children with kindness, while also teaching them responsibility; listening to their feelings, while correcting their behavior; showing them unconditional love, while making it clear that respect for others is never optional.

Because being a gentle parent should never come at the cost of raising a child who forgets how to be gentle with the world around them.