4 years without Irrfan

I wrote this 4 years ago on April 29, 2020, I haven’t changed it since.

I have been wondering why this loss feels so personal, actors have died before, yet it’s never been like this. Mostly I think it’s because often when actors die, I make a mental note to finally watch that film that i had been putting off, but with Irrfan, it just feels different. I think as a generation we grew up on, and grew up with Irrfan’s films, and those films and performances, so powerful, but also for us our memories at the movies.

I remember seeing The Namesake with my mother, on a DVD, borrowed from our local library, then too young to know how movies could break your heart. I saw Maqbool on my very old very heavy laptop, amazed at how far the limits of good direction and acting could look be pushed, IN HINDI CINEMA. Irrfan was that rare star, who made Hindi films cool, watching his films (in my teenage head) automatically made you very knowledgeable about cinema. I remember seeing Life of Pi, excited that an Indian actor was working with an Oscar winning director (I also thought knowing this made me come across as knowledgeable about cinema). I remember seeing Piku between college exams, with some of the best friends I ever made. I remember Irrfan winning Best Actor for Talvar, at the one Screen awards (job perk!) that i went to, I remember the joke he made on stage, when they couldn’t figure out which film he won for (i know). Old enough to be excited about Haider, knowing what Vishal Bhardwaj could do with Irrfan in one single frame.

There is a line in The Lunchbox, which goes something like, ‘we forget things if we have no one to tell them to’, we are so fortunate that Irrfan’s cinema gave us enough to remember him by.