The Sunday Sanctuary #6

Better late than never!

I know I missed the deadline I imposed on myself last week. I meant to make it but I think we’ve fallen victim to some kind of stomach virus here and I fell asleep before I could write and… well… you don’t need to know the details. We’re here now and I have a story to share from this past week.

So, the other day I walked to the store across the street and back. On the way I gave a young man crap for parking his large, tangerine orange truck facing the wrong way on the side of the road instead of one of the half dozen or more empty parking spots. By parking there he blocks pedestrian sightlines to the corner. If someone is trying to cross they have to lean out to see around his excessively large truck and any driver coming the other way won’t be able to see any pedestrian trying to cross. Common sense right?

Well I’m walking through the back parking lot into my apartment building and I hear this absurdly loud truck come roaring up the road and into the parking lot and a man yelling at me angrily to stop.

I just kept walking and didn’t say anything and I heard the truck stop and the door open and I just kept yelling “Get back in your truck bud!” but Chad (not his real name, probably) had hurt feelings and wanted justice. He chose to run up behind me and shove me in the back. Because nothing says Alpha Male like shoving someone from behind right?

Without missing a beat (and honestly surprising myself) I simply turned and took a couple steps toward him and looked him dead in the eye and asked, “Is this worth getting the police involved?”

He looked confused.

“You just assaulted me. Do I need to call the police?”

“But you called me a name!”

That’s right folks. This Alpha Male Chad Mirrorshades felt the need to track me down and start a fight with me because I’d hurt his feelings by calling out his laziness and disregard for anyone else around him.

Fortunately for me he decided to get back in his truck yelling one last sad “I have a dog in the truck!” as an excuse as to why he couldn’t take the time to pull into the parking lot and park in one of the many available spots to which I just replied, “So you crack a window like everyone else. Use your brain it’s not that hard!”

And that’s exactly it, folks. Just use your brain. Instead of coasting through life on autopilot actually stop and think about what you’re doing. You’ll find your life goes much more smoothly when you do. You avoid awkward situations like when you encounter middle-aged men that are too old and too tired to put up with your BS anymore.

Do better people. And stay off your cellphone while driving. Back in my day we couldn’t return or make phone calls unless we were at home. It could wait then and it can wait now.

Stay safe out there! Stay hydrated! And stay classy!