FACTUAL FICTION

Top 10 Reasons Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬 is Backpacking In Portugal

Fulfilling my own writing prompt

Image created by author using Elon Musk’s Grok AI, probably much to Elon’s pleasure. Also, author attempting to make up for depicting Michael as the Devil in his last story about him

1. Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬 has such a hatred for Cristiano Ronaldo for hitting on his wife once at a party that he can’t bear to watch Ronaldo play soccer anymore. Backpacking seemed like a surefire way to avoid stumbling across any TVs playing the World Cup.
2. Michael’s attorney advised him that law enforcement in Portugal rarely has the resources to carry out arrest warrants more than 10 miles from any paved roads.
3. He realized that he will make exactly the same amount of money from his Medium writing by not writing anything for 20 days. Maybe he’ll even make a little more.
4. He doesn’t have to deal with me for a long time.
5. It’s not possible for Philip Ogley or Smillew Rahcuef to make fun of him while he’s away.
6. His oddly specific Iberian wolf fetish.
7. Getting to shit in a hole he just dug for himself.
8. It beats workin’!
9. His natural love of the outdoors (read: mushrooms, weed, hashish, opium, and frog licking).
10. He’s smart enough not to get anywhere near the United States again until at least January of 2029, despite our countless, majestic backpacking destinations.

[embed]While the Satire Sommelier is Away, the Writers Will Play Your personal invitation to the Doctor Funny keggermedium.com

[embed]I Went to the ER and Learned That I’m An Idiot Logic goes out the window upon admissionmedium.com