Love Letters (2/31)

Love Letters (2/31)

I traced another name on our sheets

Every time I took you back

& eventually

I ran out of room to sleep comfortably

They stood in my way

Every time

I went to the bathroom to search for the reflection of my confidence

The smell of your apologies on the roses

Choked me into silence

Have you ever loved a broken thing?

So much,

That you too

Wanted to be broken

i was Waiting for you to see me

Worthy of your respect

But on the edge of our bed

I constantly engaged with neglect

I can still feel the faint heartbeat of our unborn child in my neck

Is that when you stopped loving me?

When the walls of my womb could only accept emptiness and regret

Or vacuums and antibiotics

Did you vow to keep me void?

Knowing that I said no to her and yes to you

After you played with me like a toy

No wonder

I don’t function the same anymore

Or command

That your respect\

Weighed heavier then the sheets on this bed

Or the voice whispering for me to stay in my head

In my dreams

I picture you getting bored with the games you play

And finding shade under my unwavering love

And choose to stay

But new and shiny things always distract you

And I am merely your giving tree

That you continuously come back to

Only for you to take pieces of myself when you leave

Until I am a hollow stomp and the last thing that you see

I cant remember the exact moment

When i shattered into a million pieces

the first time

But I anticipate

you putting me together

only for you to accidently drop me

Humpy Dumty’in

Truth is

I stay

Because I want to be the last thing that you need

When in reality

You

Are the last thing

That I need

Like acceptance

When I learn how to forgive myself

For all of my mistakes

And I find my beautiful

In its lost place

I pray that she opens her arms to me

And ask me what took me so long

And I will tell her

I’ve been busy watering roses that died a long time ago

to revive the noise of that faint heartbeat

I was searched for something in you and got lost

Because the entire time it’s been in me

When I stopped

Tracing the names on our sheets

I got my own bed

& finally

Finally

I slept comfortably