My Epic Negotiation With my Wife

Is there an answer to family planning?

Post-negotiation selfie, taken in front of Angel station

We walk up to a cool-looking cafe in Angel, London, that serves Belgian waffles.

We go in, sit in a corner where the bright light is shining.

I open up my laptop and get ready for the most important presentation of my life.

The Miro board (project management tool) opens up, and multiple boards pop up with bright colored rectangles, each titled with important buckets: timeline, stakeholders, financial projections, and parental leave policies.

That’s right, I was entering a negotiation with my wife to decide when to start planning for a family.

A real Miro Board I created for my epic negotiation

As I went through each board, the timeline and expected costs indicating that we are not in an ‘ideal’ financial situation, the parental leave policies of our jobs showing I won’t be able to take time off for long, and basically saying I have no idea what it would be like to be a father, it became increasingly clear — I was just terrified of becoming a parent and kept coming up with more excuses to delay it.

Being a fresh graduate from MBA, I wanted to use the negotiation skillsets I learned in a classroom, without knowing what I really wanted.

My partner patiently listened to my nervous pitch and told me:

“This isn’t how you plan for a child.”

She responded to my sloppy pitch by telling me that there’s no right time to become a parent, that there will always be challenges we can use as excuses. The most important thing is whether the two of us feel ready.

As the hot coffee cooled down and the Belgian waffles became soggy from the sugary coating, I came to my senses.

While she was on the same boat as me — not having been a parent — her voice resounded to me very clearly. I was doubting and unsure about the responsibilities of being a parent, but she was determined.

We left the cafe in agreement and took this photo to celebrate a successful negotiation — I lost my original position, but we both won.

4 years later, we couldn’t be happier with our decision that day. While I recall our epic negotiation, our 2-year-old son is sleeping peacefully, without a worry in the world.

My family exploring the world, one park at a time

At the end of the day, the most important measure of readiness is having yourself and your partner be in agreement.

There’s never the right time to have a child. There will always be a challenge, whether it be the unimaginable cost of childcare, worries of your career stagnating, or the simple fear — you think you won’t be good parents.

Regardless of all the concerns, parents become superhumans who are able to deal with any problems. The only important barometer is to check if the two of you feel you are ready for the challenge and feel comfortable embarking on the biggest learning journey of your lifetime. So next time you ask yourself a question: “Am I ready to be a parent?” instead look to your side and ask your partner, “Are we?”