Life, Death, and the Etiquettes of Mourning in Islam

​Human life is connected with the ups and downs of joy and sorrow. While the Creator of the Universe has blessed humans with happiness, He has also made moments of trials and trauma a part of life. Among these sorrows, the greatest is the departure of a loved one from this world. Death is an absolute reality that every soul must taste, as stated in the Holy Quran:* *"Every soul shall taste death" **(Surah Al-Imran: 185). ​Since Islam is a complete code of life, it does not command humans to become like stones, nor does it want to see them devoid of emotions. Instead, it defines the manners and limits for expressing grief that are in accordance with the pleasure of the Creator. In Islam, crying or shedding tears over the death of a loved one is not forbidden at all. However, nowadays, we see that grief and mourning have been turned into a spectacle in newspapers, on television, and on social media. Many rituals are performed at the deceased’s home that have no connection with religion. Artificial crying, calling professional mourning women, and suspending life for months in the name of mourning are signs of ignorance (Jahiliyyah). In many places, instead of advising patience, poems and words are recited that further inflame the grief of the family and incite them to complain against Allah. ​The Example of the Prophet (PBUH) ​The life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is the best example for us. When his dear son, Hazrat Ibrahim (RA), passed away, tears began to flow from the eyes of the Prophet (PBUH). Seeing this, some companions were surprised and asked, "O Messenger of Allah (PBUH)! Are you also crying?" He (PBUH) replied: ​"Indeed, the eye weeps and the heart is grieved, but we do not say anything except what pleases our Lord." (Sahih Bukhari: 1303) ​This Hadith makes it clear that there is no harm in crying silently and feeling grief in the heart. However, making a loud noise, screaming, and objecting to destiny is strictly forbidden in Islam. ​The Limits of Mourning ​Islam has set certain limits for mourning so that the social and family systems are not affected. In normal circumstances, mourning for any close relative, such as a father, brother, son, or any loved one, is allowed for only three days. As mentioned in the famous Hadith, the Prophet (PBUH) said: ​"It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for a deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband (for whom the mourning period is four months and ten days)." (Sahih Bukhari: 1280, Sahih Muslim: 1486) ​The mourning period of four months and ten days for the husband’s death is actually for the dignity of the woman, her protection, and to fulfill the requirements of 'Iddah (waiting period). The Holy Quran states: "And those of you who die and leave wives behind, they should keep themselves in waiting for four months and ten days" (Surah Al-Baqarah: 234). ​Prohibited Rituals of Ignorance ​Islam uprooted all those rituals of the "Days of Ignorance" that devalued humanity. Mourning by beating oneself, wailing (loud rhythmic crying), tearing clothes, and screaming are included in these forbidden acts. The Prophet (PBUH) gave very stern warnings to those who perform such acts. It is narrated in Sahih Bukhari (Hadith No. 1294) that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ​"He is not from us who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes, and cries out with the cries of the Days of Ignorance." ​Similarly, some people shave or pluck their hair in extreme grief. In Sahih Muslim (Hadith No. 104), it is narrated by Hazrat Abu Musa Ash’ari (RA) that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "I have nothing to do with the woman (or person) who shaves her head, cries out loudly, and tears her clothes at the time of misfortune." Furthermore, in Sahih Muslim (Hadith No. 934), there is a terrifying warning: "If a wailing woman does not repent before her death, she will be raised on the Day of Resurrection wearing a shirt of pitch (tar) and a garment of itching." ​The Patience of the Prophets ​If we study the lives of the Prophets and the Companions, we see mountains of patience. Hazrat Yaqub (AS) wept for years over the separation of his son, Hazrat Yusuf (AS), until he lost his eyesight, but a complaint against Allah never crossed his lips. He said: "I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah." This is the "Beautiful Patience" (Sabr-e-Jameel) that Allah has commanded. Similarly, the pain the Prophet (PBUH) felt when his beloved uncle, Hazrat Hamza (RA), was brutally martyred in the Battle of Uhud is beyond words. Tears were flowing from the Prophet’s (PBUH) eyes, but he neither wailed, nor allowed anyone to scream, nor adopted any ritual against Sharia. ​Conclusion ​Islam teaches us that whenever a calamity strikes, we should immediately say: "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un" (Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return). ​This is an admission that life was a trust from Allah, and the Owner has taken His trust back. Wailing and screaming do not benefit the deceased; instead, according to Hadith, the deceased suffers because of the wailing of their family. Instead, if we pray for their forgiveness, give charity (Sadaqah Jariyah), pay off their debts, and treat their relatives well, it can become a means of salvation for the deceased. ​The purpose of writing this is to spread the message that Islam teaches us moderation. Grief is a natural emotion, but exaggerating it, harming the body, or fighting with Allah’s decree is a great sin. We should make our lives subject to the Quran and Sunnah. Patience is the weapon that brings a person closer to Allah, for Allah’s promise is: "Indeed, Allah is with those who are patient." May Allah grant us the ability to remain content with His will in every situation. Ameen. ​If you liked this article, please share your thoughts in the comments and share it with your friends so that this message of Quran and Sunnah can reach more people.