I am more than what I wear (HIJAB)

Photo by Giuseppe Argenziano on Unsplash

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Lately, I’ve noticed many people around me deciding to take off their hijab. Whatever the reason may be, they certainly have their own motivations behind that choice. We cannot simply judge or blame them, because we never truly know how heavy a burden they have been carrying.

A few friends of mine have also made this decision. Interestingly, my response has been quite neutral, unlike other people who keep asking me, ‘Why did she do that?’ Personally, I didn’t ask my friends, ‘Why did you take off your hijab?’ When I meet them, I just act completely normal, as if nothing has changed.

My reaction is likely influenced by my background, as I do not come from a strictly religious family, and I have personally gone through the difficult process of learning to wear the hijab myself. Because of these experiences, I can approach this phenomenon with more wisdom and openness.

When I react neutrally, it does not mean that I do not care about my friends. This contrasts with the assumptions of people who often tell me, ‘You’re their friend, you should tell them to wear the hijab again.’ Instead of acting like a know-it-all and giving advice that might ultimately offend them, I choose to wait until they are ready to open up and share their story on their own terms. I will only offer advice when they explicitly ask for it.

After all, when people share their struggles, it is often not because they want advice, but simply because they want to be heard. They just want to release everything they are feeling to find some peace of mind. The only piece of advice that might actually come out of my mouth would be, ‘Maybe try seeing a psychologist.’ Of course, I would only say this if their stress levels have become overwhelming and uncontrollable.

Rather than commenting on someone’s physical appearance or their decision to take off the hijab, it would be much better for us to focus on their mental well-being, for instance, by simply asking how they are doing. Let them be the ones to initiate the conversation about their feelings or frustrations, entirely free from judgment. In these moments, our role is simply to be a good listener for them.

Seeing this happen so frequently has led me to ask myself: why is it that for some Muslim women, the hijab becomes a focal point for release when they hit rock bottom? Of course, this is not always the case, and not every woman who wears a hijab reacts this way. As someone who also wears the hijab, I have been in positions that allow me to understand why some women ultimately decide to take it off.

‘Why?’ is a word we often utter when things do not go the way we planned, or when our expectations of others crumble along the way. Ultimately, that is where the question arises: ‘Why take off the hijab?’

1. The Social Burden

Society often attaches the label of a ‘perfect, sinless woman’ to those who wear the hijab. This labeling phenomenon creates a false expectation of how a Muslim woman should behave. There is an unwritten social demand for hijabers to always appear pious in every situation. This moral burden is undoubtedly heavy because, in reality, we often mistakenly equate the obligation of wearing the hijab with an individual’s personal behavior.

Sometimes we fall into the trap of judging solely by appearances. If a woman wears a hijab, she is automatically assumed to be good and deeply religious. Ironically, when a hijabi makes a mistake that falls short of these expectations, society is quick to judge and condemn her. In truth, that disappointment stems from our own mistake of placing unrealistic expectations on the wrong foundation.

Therefore, we must be able to separate the essence of the hijab from the dynamics of a person’s behavior. The hijab is a form of spiritual obedience, while morals (akhlak) are part of a continuous, ongoing learning process. The hijab does not automatically define the entirety of a person’s character, because every human being — whether wearing a hijab or not — inherently has the capacity to make mistakes and grow from them.

2. Reclaiming Self-Control

When faced with overwhelming life problems, a person often feels as though they have completely lost control of the direction of their life. In this state of uncertainty and suffocating distress, a unique phenomenon we often see occurs: someone who has just gone through a breakup suddenly decides to cut their hair. For some, this act is viewed as a ritual to ‘wash away bad luck.’ In the world of psychology, this action is known as catharsis — an instant attempt to reclaim control over one’s life.

In a different context, a similar psychological defense mechanism often underlies the decision of some women when they choose to take off their hijab. When life situations feel completely out of control due to an intense emotional or identity crisis, altering a physical aspect attached to one’s own body becomes one of the fastest, most accessible shortcuts for the human ego to express an internal shift. This act of changing one’s appearance or removing a physical attribute serves as an instant way for the subconscious mind to break down the burdens of the past, declare freedom, and retake full authority over a life that had temporarily fallen apart.

This decision to radically change one’s appearance is fundamentally a form of defense mechanism (coping mechanism) triggered by exposure to overwhelming stress. When a person is confronted with consecutive life problems and experiences disorientation in responding to them, the brain naturally seeks out a shortcut to alleviate that tension. In many cases, a woman’s decision to take off her hijab is born from this point of mental exhaustion — serving as an indicator of immense psychological pressure, rather than a form of hatred toward her own religious teachings. Unfortunately, the social environment is often too quick to pass moral judgment. Because of this, it is crucial for us to be able to distinguish between a mental crisis and a crisis of faith.

A mental crisis is a condition where a person’s psychological and emotional well-being is disrupted, causing them to lose the capacity to cope with everyday life stressors. Simply put, their emotional ‘engine’ is stalling or short-circuiting due to an excessive workload. When a hijabi is in this phase, removing the hijab is perceived by her subconscious mind as the fastest way to shed at least one burden: the heavy weight of social expectations to always look perfect. It is a cry for help from her mental health, not a confrontational statement against her spiritual beliefs.”

Conversely, a crisis of faith is an entirely different matter. A crisis of faith touches the existential realm; it is a state where one loses the meaning of life, experiences a numbness or absence of peace during worship, or develops deep doubts toward the belief systems and spiritual principles they have always held. Obscuring these two concepts is a fatal mistake. Judging a woman who takes off her hijab as someone who ‘lacks faith’ or is ‘weak in her worship’ — without truly understanding the issues or reasons behind it — will only worsen the situation she is going through.

In circumstances like these, a judgmental approach will only widen the distance and deepen the emotional wounds. What they need most is a safe space to be heard, alongside professional help to restore and heal their psychological well-being.

3. A Form of Rebellion

In some cases, the removal or alteration of religious attributes transforms into an existential rebellion. This phenomenon is precisely what content creator Zahid Ibrahim highlighted through his social media platforms. As someone who grew up in a religious environment, Zahid openly shared his phase of ‘reacquainting’ himself with religion in ways that sparked fierce debates among netizens. For example, he wore shorts that exposed his knees — an area considered part of the aurat (private parts) for Muslim men. The decisions he made, such as engaging in behaviors that were previously considered taboo or that directly violated the boundaries of his childhood doctrines, represent a tangible effort to test old moral boundaries. This is often done to discover a more honest, authentic sense of spirituality.

These controversial actions are closely linked to a deep saturation or burnout with past parenting patterns. When children grow up in environments that heavily emphasize strict obedience to rules, without leaving any room to discuss the philosophical and spiritual essence behind them, they face massive internal challenges upon reaching adulthood. As they mature, they begin to re-examine and reflect on these values to find a deeper, more personal meaning.

This inner turmoil is frequently exacerbated by an accumulation of bitter disappointments with life’s realities. It triggers challenging, deeply agonizing questions such as: ‘Why is my life still stagnant and full of suffering even though I have been obedient to God?’ or ‘Why do my prayers feel like they are never heard?’ A profound sense of helplessness and disappointment with one’s circumstances often manifests outwardly through the shedding of religious symbols. Such an act is, in reality, a physical manifestation of an intense internal struggle against perceived existential injustices. Yet, beneath these outward changes — which society often finds difficult to accept — lies a deeply honest attempt to dismantle an identity forced upon them by others, allowing them to consciously and voluntarily restart their spiritual journey from scratch.

I Am More Than What I Wear (Hijab)

Whether wearing the hijab or choosing to take it off, we remain whole, complete human beings.

Say to yourself: I am more than just my appearance. Beyond this hijab, I possess other potentials, other capabilities, and a multitude of other good deeds that I can offer to the world.

This is an open invitation to us all: let us not focus solely on outward appearances. Do not judge a woman based entirely on how perfectly she wears or maintains her hijab. Human beings are far too vast to be measured through a single physical lens.

This writing is by no means intended to normalize the decision to remove the hijab. However, as someone who has also navigated difficult times while learning to keep a piece of cloth on my head, I feel we deeply need to understand and respect the unique process and decisions that every individual makes.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to leave a comment below!