Speak to your Child!

Written in June 2018

Work and life make all of us so busy that we sometimes lose focus on the larger Purpose. We are so caught up with day-to-day stuff that we forget to make time for ourselves and our families. One such often neglected topic is “Speaking to Your Child”.

When I look back at my Childhood and look at the conversations that went on at home, I fondly recollect a lot of fun, and also a few discipline-led topics. While these are very important and we should have them, are we missing something more important? How are we preparing our child to face their Challenges when they grow up? How are we enabling them to face the realities while we keep them protected? How do we speak to them about what they should do and expect the world to be when they are on their own? As a Father with a teenage kid, I keep asking these questions to myself all the time.

We are good at creating good academic-based students who pass various exams and get their graduations; what other skills/knowledge do they need to accept the realities of life and face challenges??

1. Stay Healthy:

Health and Wellbeing has to be part of everyone’s agenda and this is a reality that never changes as long as we are alive. A healthy body also means Healthy Minds.. So, staying fit has to be a must.

• Walk / Run

• Play a game / Swim

• Gym / Yoga / Dance

Pick your choice, but make sure you are healthy both physically and mentally.. That means Thinking Positive, Good friends, keep learning, know the purpose, and so on…

2. Read:

Reading is one habit that can be life-changing. A book is the best friend that you can ever get, and it can transform your life if you believe in it. Read regularly and read different genres to understand. Making reading your daily habit will be a life-changing decision. If you can start writing, that’s even better, as that helps you with better articulation, communication skills, and critical thinking… Few tips to build the Reading habit..

• Start with topics of interest

• Reading small stories/articles will help

• Easy access to books

• Discussing a book can be very interesting

Learning and Reading can be lifetime partners, and they are complementary to each other.

3. Build a Community:

With the advent of smart technology and too many gadgets, we have lots of new challenges, and one of them is “Living in Silos and Depression”. We have to teach kids to start building their own community, so that they are never alone. A few important points to share..

• How to make new friends

• Smile and Eye contact / Firm handshake

• Art of conversing

• Networking

• Sharing and so on

Community and Network building is all about giving… This has to be clearly understood.

4. Stay hungry to learn:

Learning never ends.. We need to develop a liking to learn anything that is new, and that will impact our lives and jobs. We can remain relevant only when we keep upgrading and learning. A few must-learn topics have to be…

• Technology

• Life skills as per changing environment

• Anything that impacts their Career

• New skills to develop/improve oneself

• Hobbies

Learning has to be a part of growing, and we need to question ourselves: what new have we done or learnt in the last week to keep the Learning Curve going.

5. Have a Mentor:

Having a mentor is the simplest and the best advice any parent can give to their Child. Mentors can change as per the time and place, but everyone would need a sounding board to reason, converse, and share experiences as we tackle daily challenges. A few points to consider while choosing your Mentor..

• Mentor has to be of a positive outlook

• Good integrity — You may share lots of details

• Can give time / easy to access

• Can give Contrarian & Critical views

A good Mentor will change your life and prepare you to realize your potential.

6. How to deal with “NO”:

One of the most important and often unaddressed points of discussion with children is, how to deal with a “NO”. When I say NO, I mean both Rejections and disappointments. Regular conversations on how to deal with disappointments and rejections are important in making them emotionally strong to handle difficult situations when they grow up.. How do we prepare them?

• Have regular conversations / live examples

• Do not pamper them with everything they ask/let them learn to accept “No”

• Create “What if” situations and explain/converse

• Share your failures to reassure that it's ok to fail, but move on

• How to take learnings from Different & Difficult experiences

Dealing with Failures and Rejections will be the biggest barrier in maintaining emotional balance; the quicker they learn, the better they become.

7. Learn a Skill / Art:

While we all push our kids to do well academically, there is no harm in encouraging them to learn a few additional skills or creative work. In this competitive world, if one gets into a difficult situation like a Job loss or any other challenge, these added skills can be a savior. Today, people make more money teaching Dance or Languages or by coaching sports & games than many of the desk jobs. A few pointers on this, depending on the interests and aptitude, are..

• Languages — Proficiency is important

• Art / Crafts

• Skills — Tech and non-tech

• Lifestyle — Health / Yoga / Gym / Sports etc

No talent is a waste; we just need to learn how to harness it commercially to make a living.

8. You are not your “Report card or Appraisal”:

We have to make the child understand that they are not the same as their Marks scored or their Appraisal feedback. Their life is more important and enriching than a few scores or points that one gets at different stages in life. Having said that, staying competitive is the edge they possess to be relevant at their place of study or work. Any failure at the workplace or at college does not define them or their lives. We can explain this by..

• Sharing our experiences

• Discuss alternatives and different case scenarios

• Look at life as a bigger picture/canvass

• Accept the learning and move on, keep busy

Life is far bigger than all the report cards or jobs we ever do… We have to learn to live every moment and enjoy both successes and failures that come our way.

9. Success is beyond your comfort zone:

How do we explain that we grow only when we come out of our comfort zone? Success is always a stretch, and it's never easy. Luck and Destiny can be part of a Life Journey but are never permanent. Only a good work ethic, Determination, persuasion, and the ability to go beyond one’s comfort would give consistent success or growth. The best way to discuss this would be..

• Sharing life experiences

• Discussing Biographies of Great Personalities

• Encourage them to have Idol / Someone to look up to

• Encourage them to share their success stories

Life is not always what we expect, but how we respond to what we get.

10. Happiness is not Money or Material:

While it sounds philosophical, it's important to teach early that Happiness is not always riches, parties, cars, and fancy gadgets. Happiness could be living in the moment, sharing a joke, making someone smile, or growing a plant. While all the material success can give you stature and fame, it doesn’t guarantee you happiness and peace of mind. So how do we learn to be happy??

• Content — Be satisfied with what you have

• Sharing & Caring

• Social / Community work

• Give without expectations

Happiness is not a destination, but a Journey that can be achieved every moment by choosing the right path.

While we can discuss all this and share our experiences, the best way to teach them would be by practice. Kids learn more by observing our actions than what we preach to them. Be aware of your actions and ensure that your actions are in-line with what you say.

Let us make our Children “Future Ready”…