Life Is Too Serious Again, so It’s Time to Have Fun With More Puns

Laughter soothes the worries of disturbing news

Image by RICHARD WHITTAKER from Pixabay

Before we reach the twenty punny bits, I want to begin on a serious note.

I received some news the day before yesterday which will have a negative impact on my life. Don’t worry, it’s not life-threatening, but it will require some radical changes. I’m not ready to share the details yet — I’d prefer to share it once I’ve overcome the challenge.

To maintain my emotional equilibrium, I turn to stories of human resilience and courage, meditate, listen to music, sing, dance and engage in gut-wrenching giggles.

I chose the latter option to lift my mood.

It’s no joke — laughter offers these benefits:

• Relieves stress
• Boosts your immune system
• Increases blood levels and oxygen to your brain
• Improves heart health
• Releases our body’s natural painkillers — endorphins
• Improves longevity in those with a sense of humor, according to a 2014 study

Here goes!

1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
2. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
3. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
4. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
5. Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
6. This morning my alarm went off. I thought it’s sell-by date was tomorrow.
7. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
8. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up.
9. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… it was just collecting dust.
10. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
11. A courtroom artist was arrested today. The details are sketchy.
12. I found a rock which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
13. My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. He had a history of violins.
14. I got fired from the candle factory because I refused to work wick ends.
15. Today, my son asked, “can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. Eleven years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
16. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
17. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
18. A Spanish magician was doing a magic trick. He said, “Uno, dos…” and he disappeared without a trace.
19. A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
20. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and it gave me 13,749 matches.

Thank you for taking my writing seriously, even though you find it laughable.