Spy Reveals How to Get Someone Who Doesn’t Know You at All to Do Something for You That They Normally Wouldn’t Do

The hidden power of real human connection.

Photo created by Alberto García 🚀🚀🚀with Grok

In his inspiring book Supercommunicators, American journalist Charles Duhigg reveals the secrets of deep communication: how to truly connect with people to achieve your goals and touch lives.

At the beginning of the book, he tells the REAL story of a CIA agent who barely made it into the agency. His test scores were mediocre, and it took him a long time to earn his position.

After a tough selection process, he finally gets in and is sent to Europe with the mission of recruiting informants.

He spends a full year without making a single contact. Door after door is slammed in his face.

Then comes his last chance: a woman from a Middle Eastern country who feels lost and deeply dissatisfied. She’s fed up with her country’s political regime and how women are treated there.

The agent poses as an oil executive and offers her a job.

But at the decisive moment, he has to tell her the truth: he’s a CIA agent, and what he’s really offering is for her to become an informant — a very dangerous mission.

She is devastated. In her country, traitors are cut into pieces.

Terrified, she refuses.

They meet one last time. The agent has no hope left. He assumes he’s about to be fired. So instead of trying to convince her, he decides to be completely honest.

He opens his heart and tells her that he also feels lost in life. That he had always wanted a meaningful existence, that he had managed to get into the government, but he had been failing for a whole year.

He even confesses that the one time he thought he had recruited someone, it was actually an intelligence officer from another country trying to recruit him.

In that instant, they stopped being spy and target. They became simply two human beings — vulnerable and honest.

And just before dinner ended, something changed.

The woman looked at him and made her decision. She accepted.

That woman collaborated with the agent and the United States for more than twenty years, rising through the social ranks of her own country.

That night, one genuine human connection changed everything.

Personal Example

While writing this article, I had to go to the mall to buy some Crocs because I have plantar fasciitis, and those clogs help me a lot.

When paying, the saleswoman says, “Thanks to your purchase, you’re entitled to a $100 discount at the physical therapist of your choice. Come with me so you can claim your gift.”

They take me to a table where there’s a young guy in a suit. He takes my information, and at one point, he tries to sell me life and accident insurance.

(A little like the CIA agent when he lied to the woman.)

Feeling tricked, I told him not to bother — that there was no way I was doing it.

He said it was free, that I didn’t have to upgrade to the paid premium version if I didn’t want to.

I told him no again, but as I stood up from the chair, the guy — who had already given up on the sale — helped my mom grab her crutch. I thanked him, and he said, “No problem, I’m used to it. I take care of my mom too — she’s going blind.”

Long story short: I bought the damn life insurance.

Who Are You and Why Should I Do What You’re Asking?

That’s the big question we ask ourselves when a stranger wants something from us,

“Who are you?”

If that person answers authentically — like the CIA agent did when he showed vulnerability to the woman, or like the insurance guy did with me when he admitted he was living a very similar situation (caring for a dependent mother, just like I do) — something activates inside us.

Even if we don’t consciously know exactly why, our subconscious brain understands perfectly: “This person is one of mine.”

Because they’ve truly connected. They’ve dropped the mask. They’ve shown their humanity. And in that moment, helping them feels like helping ourselves.

We become part of the same invisible secret society. A brotherhood whose members don’t know each other, scattered all over the world, but when you cross paths with one, you recognize them. And you help.

It’s deep connection that turns a stranger into someone you trust.

And that connection is what moves the world. It’s what makes someone who doesn’t know you at all do something for you that they normally wouldn’t.

Boom!!!

How to Apply This to Your Life

When you need something from someone — whether it’s an opportunity, help, trust, or even making a sale — completely shift your approach.

Instead of trying to sell yourself, pretending to be perfect, or tricking them, do this…

1. First, be clear and honest about what you want. Don’t beat around the bush. People appreciate clarity.
2. Don’t get upset if they say no. It’s completely normal. A stranger doesn’t know you at all, and a “no” is just the natural response from someone who hasn’t connected with you yet.
3. Instead of pushing, look for common ground. Always remember: your real goal isn’t to get something, but to connect. Detach from the outcome. Forget, even for a few minutes, what you want from that person. Just talk. Share a problem or concern you both might have.
4. Listen with an open heart and share real stories from your own life. Don’t fake it. Be authentic.
5. Show them that you’re also a little lost, that you have fears, that you’re fighting for something that truly matters to you. That honest vulnerability is the magic key.
6. Don’t force anything. Don’t manipulate. Just be a real person in front of another real person. If you do it right, in the silence of their mind that person will ask themselves: “Who are you?” And when your honesty answers for you, if it’s within their power and it’s reasonable, they will feel irresistibly drawn to help you.

Because you’re no longer a stranger.

In that moment… you’ve become one of theirs.

That’s why I’m asking you from the heart: If what I’m sharing resonates with you, if you feel these words connect with something inside you… I invite you to subscribe to my blog.

It’s not easy being a writer these days. There are hard days, moments of doubt, and a lot of invisible effort. But if I’m managing to keep going, it’s thanks to people like you.

People who pause for a moment, feel the connection, and decide to join me from all corners of the world.

Every subscription is so much more than a click.

It’s a helping hand that says: “Keep going — this matters to me too.”

It’s a reminder that we’re part of that same invisible secret society of people who recognize each other and help one another.

If you feel I’m one of yours, I’d love for you to be part of this community.

Here’s the link to subscribe.

Thank you for being on the other side.

Truly.

A virtual hug,

AG