Stih oto lslha spsa (This too shall Pass)

Stih oto lslha spsa (This too shall Pass)

I keep telling myself this

Every time grief attempts to swallow my air.

There

Are 5 stages of grief

Stage 1: Denial

Where i make up excuses for you.

Where I try to find reasons where my act made you react in a manner that got us here.

Where I tell myself our love is growing and there will be casualties that resemble pieces of me.

Stage 2: Anger

I let things boil up

Keep for later

And break silently when no ones looking

I hate you

Hate how my heart physically hurts and I still wants you near

Hate how it makes my soft hands turn into fist and tongue into daggers of violence

Hate that it makes me want to get you back

Make you crawl in fetal position and beg your heart to crawl back to you

Hope you never get that shit back.

Hope you continue to fall into bodies that can never love you the way I did

Hope you feel empty every time you think of me

I hope you think of me

Stage 3: Bargaining

Where I tell myself no mans perfect

As if I haven’t had a man show me Gods light through his love

Where I believe the promises

The half truths that always seem to show themselves fully

Where I wrap myself around you

As if I could have you

To myself

When you belong to no one

Not even yourself

And I don’t know if I’m bargaining for the baby who deserves a family

Or my childhood self who is tired of people abandoning me

Stage 4: Depression

The last time you broke my heart I didn’t get out of bed for 5 days

Wouldn’t let a man touch me for over a year

And literally walked through my life in a fog that entire time.

I didn’t know what that was called then

But the same heaviness in my bones keeps me up crying until I pass out

Stops me from being productive

Makes me want to sleep until I’m whole again

As if I will ever

be whole again

Stage 5: Acceptence

One day

My body will not shake in sorrow when I think of you

It will not feel as if my world is tumbling down around me

I know it is possible to have someone to love me.

I just hope that when that time comes again I won’t wish it was you.

That I complete the stages this time

As I wish the same for you.