I Keep Startling My Wife Even Though We Live Together and I’m Her Dead Husband

A Reddit post from a desperate ghost

Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash

My wife and I have lived together for 11 years. Well, technically “lived” together for 9, but shared the same house for 11. Our marriage has had its ups and downs — fights over where to vacation, difficulty securing life insurance payouts, freak suffocations in grain silos, etc.

Despite all that it’s been a happy and blessed union. Until recently, that is.

Over the past 2 years I’ve noticed my wife gets easily started anytime I do anything! Even something as simple as whispering in her ear as she dozes off or gently rattling my chains absolutely scares the dickens out of her!

Is this a common thing with spouses? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

First Edit:

Alright, for the smart ass commenters saying “I don’t think we’re getting the full story.” Let me state the obvious. Yes, I am a Libra and she is a Cancer.

Also, I suffocated to death after falling into a grain silo and now I’m haunting the home of my forever love, Clara. Not sure how that is relevant. I’ve been dead for two years, so she should be used to it by now. Besides, I’m still the same man she married, just non-corporeal.

Second Edit:

Yes, the afterlife is real. No, I will not do an AMA. Let’s stick to the subject. I only want to find a way to materialize onto the couch and watch Netflix with my wife again without sending her crying to the neighbors.

Third Edit:

Thanks, u/honorDaBalzac212 for letting me know that being easily startled is potentially an ADHD thing. I tried writing “Adderall” in the steamed-up mirror as she showered, but instead of contacting her GP she called a local priest.

Also, to address a few other comments, no, I do not believe she is cheating on me. I don’t know why everyone on this God-forsaken website always jumps to infidelity.

Fourth Edit:

Ok, I attempted to get the Hat Man’s two cents. But he mostly loomed over my wife while she whimpered in her sleep.

Also, wearing a hat indoors? VERY RUDE.

What if I tried “announcing” myself before I entered the room? Maybe a snail trail of ectoplasm in the hallway? How about throwing one of her Precious Angels figurines against the wall if I’m watching basketball in the den?

And for those asking, no, we do not own a pottery wheel. Is this a reference to something? I don’t get it.

Fifth Edit:

Some have said my wife might have PTSD. I suppose it’s possible? I know she was bullied a bit in 5th grade. That can cause PTSD, right?

She also witnessed her husband get hurled from a malfunctioning cherry picker and into 10,000 tons of grain. Maybe that did it?

I also wonder, if eating more complex carbs might help reset her nervous system.

Sixth Edit:

Welp, to those suggesting ‘she’s cheating on you,’ you were right. Last evening, my wife brought a strange guy into our house. The dude was splashing holy water around and chanting incantations like he owned the place. Is this a religious fetish thing? Nothing I’m into, but if my wife wanted to try it, I certainly would have indulged her fantasy.

I was about to leap into his body to let her know I was upset and also ask if she’s seen the den room TV remote because I’ve looked in all the usual spots and still can’t find it, but before I could, my spectral behind got bounced to purgatory. I’m stuck here until God calls me up to the bigs.

i tried reaching out to my wife a few times by assuming the form of a cardinal and using discarded cigarette butts and old twine to spell “cheating whore” on our front steps. But I’m not sure im getting through to her.

Don’t worry, she’ll be getting an earful when I see her again in 50–65 years. ’Til death do we part my ass!