I Just Wanted to Sleep, But…

every night with my broken heart

stars were shining, night was so bright. But still something inside my chest was dark and heavy.

It was too late at night. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t. I had to wake up early… to go through my day again.

My eyes started to burn. My legs started to ache. But the harsh part was… I was tired, but I couldn’t sleep.

Everyone was having deep rest. Even the night felt like it was waiting for me to fall asleep. But… I still couldn’t.

There was nothing important happening. No emergency. No reason… and still, I was staying late.

My body started to beg for rest, but my mind was heavy. It was thinking deeply,

how slowly, painfully, and disturbingly I am losing my own self.

The night was long and heavy. Time was creeping.

For a while, I was falling into despair… but then I realized maybe today I am just a wounded soul, with a fragile heart.

But still, I am not going to give up.

I say I am not an overthinker… but I am.

How I can sleep with a mind which is too tired of thinking. I cannot sleep with a body that is too tired of feeling deeply. I cannot sleep with a heart that has no armor, only wounds, rumors and words spoken against me.

I am tired of my own self.

Really, I am tired of being this way. Tired of this blood that is learning to carry pain more than life… spreading sorrow more than oxygen in my body.

I think the worst part is tomorrow, no one will know how painfully I survived this endless painful night.

Mehrol missed you a lot, mochi🤍