Why A Bride Price Still Decides Who Owns A Child In Eastern Part Of Nigeria

DNA Or Bride Price?

Photo by Md Ishak Raman on Unsplash

Imagine you are a young man in the eastern part of Nigeria. And You have a daughter.

You see your nose in her face and your father’s smile in hers.

You pay for her school fees, you buy her new shoes for Christmas, and you love her mother. I mean you take total responsibility of your child.

But when you walk down the street, the elders don’t call you her father. In the eyes of the community, you are just a visitor in her life.

Why? Because you haven’t done what they presume is “the needful.” You haven’t paid the bride price.

In many cultures, particularly among the Eastern part of Nigeria, paternity isn’t just enough to prove you’re the biological father, even if you are. It isn’t about whose DNA is in the child’s blood. It is about a transaction. It is about a receipt.

Without the payment of the bride price to the woman’s family, the biological father has zero legal or cultural rights to his own child.

This tradition creates a world where a child can be owned by their grandfather, and a biological father can be erased with a single sentence from an elder.

Recently, a woman talked about stray bullets hitting her: meaning the harsh words and judgments people throw at single mothers.

She mentioned a good man she is dating, but she feels conflicted because of her past.

Her daughter, by tradition, belongs to her own father (the child’s grandfather).

This happens because, in the Eastern part of Nigeria (where she’s from), a man is not considered married until that bride price is settled.

If a baby is born before this ceremony, or if the couple is just living together, the child is awarded to the woman’s father.

To a modern ear, this sounds like the child is being treated as property. But for the village, it’s a safety net.

If a man is irresponsible; like being a baby daddy, the woman’s family steps in.

They don’t let the child be a bastard with no name. They give the child the grandfather’s name.

The child becomes a full member of the mother’s lineage, with rights to inherit land and a place in the family tree.

It’s the culture’s way of saying: “If you won’t honor our daughter with a marriage, you don’t get the prize of her children.”

However, tradition acts as a cold shield here. Even if the biological father calls and says a daughter needs to grow with the dad, the woman’s father can shut that door.

Because the bride price wasn’t paid, the biological father is legally a stranger. He cannot claim his daughter. He cannot take her to his village. He has no “locus standi,” as lawyers say.

He is a father in blood, but a ghost in the eyes of the law.

Nigeria is not a monolith. How they handle the price of a child changes, depending on where you stand on the map.

In the Eastern part of the country, the rules are still existing and non negotiable; “no bride price, no child ownership.”

In some communities, a man isn’t even allowed to pay the bride price while the woman is pregnant.

They see it as a taboo to pay for a child that hasn’t been born yet. He has to wait, leaving him in a state of fatherhood limbo until the child arrives.

However, in the Western part of the country (Nigeria), they reverse is usually the case.

The bride price is paid, but at the wedding, it is common to see the bride’s parents return the money.

They might say, “We are not selling our daughter.”

While they still value the tradition, they are often more flexible about recognizing a biological father’s role, provided he shows respect to the family.

This is where the story gets complicated for modern Nigerians. We have two sets of laws.

First, there is Traditional Law. In the village, if you haven’t paid the dowry, the child is not yours. Period.

Second, there is Statutory Law (like the Child’s Rights Act). If a father goes to a high court, and proves he is the biological dad and that he wants to care for the child, the judge will likely side with him.

The courts care about the best interest of the child.

They have even ruled that denying a father his child because of an unpaid bride price is “repugnant to natural justice.”

But here is the reality: Most people don’t want to sue their in-laws. If you win in court but lose the respect of your wife’s family, you are in for a lifetime of misery.

You might have the child, but you will be barred from every family meeting, every funeral, and every celebration.

For many, the village law is much scarier than the city law.

At the end of the day, we have to ask: who does this rule help? It protects women from men who want to play house without taking responsibility.

It ensures every child has a family name, even if their father runs away. But it also creates a deep sense of loss.

It turns children into bargaining chips. It forces men who might be poor but loving to stay away because they can’t afford the list of items required for a traditional wedding.

As Nigeria moves forward, they are seeing a shift. Young people are starting to prioritize the best interest of the child over the receipt of the bride price.

But the roots of tradition go deep.

For now, in many parts of the country, if you want to be a father, you better make sure you’ve paid the price.

But I am curious to know; should a father’s rights to his child depend on a financial transaction, or is it time for our traditions to evolve and recognize the bond of blood and DNA alone?