The Body Keeps Score

When trauma demands attention through the deterioration of your health.

Artwork by Celestial Creations

I’ve had this page for over five years, documenting my healing journey while sharing the wisdom I’ve gained with all of you in real time.

You’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. You’ve watched me lose all hope and eventually find peace and alignment with my highest path.

You followed me through the tunnel as I navigated my Dark Night of the Soul.

I took you on a journey through my mind as I learned to lead with my heart.

And now, I’m going to tell you how that journey has taken a toll on my body.

When the Body Reaches Its Limit

I’ve been dealing with health issues since late February, and I’m finally getting some answers.

I haven’t received an official diagnosis that I’m comfortable sharing yet, but in short, I’m in pain every single day, and my nervous system is f*cked.

And that’s putting it lightly.

Based on everything we’ve ruled out so far, my doctor and I believe my symptoms are likely the result of a combination of prolonged emotional turmoil and genetics.

While everyone’s situation is different, there’s growing research showing that chronic stress is associated with an increased risk of certain health conditions, including autoimmune diseases.

This may be the case for me.

Awareness Isn’t Release

The hardest part isn’t that my health has taken a hit.

It’s realizing that my body is now carrying the weight of the emotional pain I spent years trying to survive.

I’d always heard the phrase, the body keeps score, but for some reason, I never thought mine was keeping score.

I believed that because I’d made such significant progress emotionally and spiritually, I’d eventually arrive at a place where I felt completely free.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot that healing isn’t limited to the mind and spirit.

The body needs healing too, and mine has been asking for my attention for far longer than I realized.

If you’ve followed my writing for a while, you know I’m deeply introspective. I don’t sugarcoat things, not for myself and not for anyone else.

I believe genuine healing begins with honesty, not avoidance.

I’ve never been afraid to face my pain.

Ironically, that willingness may have also become one of my blind spots.

I live in my head, which means I have a tendency to intellectualize my emotions.

I can tell you exactly what I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it, and which experiences shaped those emotions.

Putting the puzzle together was never the difficult part.

It was processing the final piece that I could never truly master.

For me, healing usually stopped at understanding.

I could analyze my emotions, learn the lesson, and decide how I wanted to grow from the experience.

But I rarely allowed myself to actually feel what my body had been holding onto.

I’ve spent most of my life in fight-or-flight mode.

When your nervous system lives there long enough, you stop recognizing just how much you’re holding within.

Pain becomes familiar. Hypervigilance becomes normal.

What I believed was healing was actually just awareness.

I acknowledged my pain.

I learned from it.

I built a better version of myself because of it. But I didn’t always give my body permission to release it.

For example, imagine experiencing heartbreak.

Your chest tightens, and your stomach sinks.

Instead of immediately distracting yourself or explaining the feeling away, what if you simply stayed with those sensations?

What if your body was trying to communicate something your mind couldn’t fully process yet?

I’ve started wondering how different healing looks when we stop treating emotions as purely mental experiences.

Our bodies are constantly communicating with us. Your body is a conduit between words. It anchors you to this realm as you explore your inner world.

When you acknowledge your pain without processing it, release becomes practically impossible.

Ignoring the signals your body gives you doesn’t necessarily make them disappear.

In fact, it may even make them demand even more attention.

The Process of Release

Think of healing as your body’s digestive system. Mechanical breakdown happens through chewing, and then you swallow, sending everything to your digestive tract.

This represents embracing the pain and extracting the lesson it’s teaching you.

But digestion doesn’t stop there.

Your body still has to break everything down, absorb what nourishes you, and eliminate what no longer belongs.

I became very good at chewing and swallowing, but I never truly finished the process.

Instead, I rationalized everything because that’s how I’ve always operated: brain first, feelings later.

And by “later,” I mean when everything builds up to the point where it can no longer be ignored.

Kind of like what’s happening now.

Whatever my diagnosis ends up being, I don’t see it as a punishment or some cosmic curse.

I see it as my body asking for the same compassion I’ve spent years giving my mind.

I won’t let any diagnosis undo the peace I’ve fought so hard to build.

This chapter asks something different of me. It’s asking me to heal in a way I’ve never had to before.

I’ll continue building my dreams, investing in my business, and creating the life I want.

But I’ll also be making space to listen to my body instead of expecting it to keep carrying everything in silence.

This isn’t just about getting my health back.

It’s about entering an entirely new era of healing and wisdom.

And, as always, I’ll be taking you along for the journey.

Have you had experience with chronic stress or trauma triggering the onset of health issues? Let me know in the comments!

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