The Intersection of Right Hemisphere Disorder and Impulsivity: Understanding Behavioral Dysregulation

It makes for an interesting life

Photo by Vital Sinkevich on Unsplash

It was a hot early September in Florida. I had worked all night as a security guard at a construction site. The Landlord of the trailer park where I had lived for several years had evicted me. It was the second day in a row of trying to sleep in my pickup during the day.

Starting a road trip at the height of rush hour with no sleep

I didn’t last two hours. By that afternoon, I was on my way to South Carolina. I hit Orlando at the height of rush hour, driving with no sleep. It wasn’t the first impulsive decision I made in my life, but it was one of the worst.

I have never understood why I can’t make good and logical decisions on my own, but there is a definite pattern. The results of the neuropsych testing I underwent in Minneapolis gave me clarity. One of the many diagnosed conditions was “Right Hemisphere Disorder. I have been researching the disorder online, and things make so much sense now.

I know it’s not true, but it seems like my brain is wired for failure

The Right Hemisphere of the brain is important in making decisions and good judgment. There are problems with the right side of my brain, made worse by mini-strokes. My parents and uncle were gone. I had no one I trusted to confide in. I ended up sleeping in my truck and driving to South Carolina with no sleep.

I didn’t consider the risks and ramifications. I didn’t think at all

I never thought about the risks. The risks of going on a solo road trip with no sleep. I didn’t think about the consequences. Not showing up for work that night without notice. I never received my last paycheck, imagine that. When I was in Florida, I didn’t realize how much trouble I was in. I was living in the moment without regard to the approaching train lights.

“Feels right” is not a good criterion for decision-making

Effective decision-making requires a certain amount of dispassion. I filter every decision through emotion. I was tired, frustrated, and angry at the situation. I was offered a place to stay at a family member’s house in South Carolina, so off I went. I didn’t take the risk into account. The family members held deep-seated resentment toward me. He didn’t want me in his home. I shocked him when I said I was on my way.

Off to Minneapolis, napping at rest areas along the way

He told me to leave two days later. I ended up in Minneapolis. Another mistake that led to me being homeless for almost three years. It frustrated me when my parents were alive. I never understood why I wasn’t allowed to make decisions. They held too much control for too long. The simple answer is they knew more about my issues than what they told me.

It angered me when I realized my parents held out on me, but I’m over it now

It’s water under the bridge. I can’t help thinking that if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself. I might have been more willing to seek help. Right Hemisphere Disorder is a complex and interesting condition to live with. It affects an important part of the brain. I’m glad I’m learning about it now, but I wish I had known sooner.

Final Thought:

I’m learning a lot about myself late in life. You might not have Right Hemisphere Disorder, but you still can learn from my mistakes. Assess where you are in life. If you’re having trouble recognizing the fact that you need help, seek it out. Take care of business before the process server bangs on your door. Find help where you can, and be careful about relying on Family. I pray none of you become homeless; seek help before it happens to you. If you think you might have cognitive issues because of a stroke or other health problem, get tested. The peace of mind of knowing the truth will help you make peace with yourself.

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