Would I?

“And perhaps the saddest part is not being unloved, but never knowing what it feels like to be chosen wholeheartedly.”

I would be lying to myself if I said I’d be completely okay with being single forever.

The fact that I’ve been single my whole life, while seeing most people around my age, even younger than me already having someone they love, makes me wonder:

What does it feel like to be loved? To be celebrated, heard, listened to, and fully understood without judgment?

What does it feel like to have someone who is willing to stand by your side no matter what happens? Someone who would stand in the front line for you whenever life gets hard?

What does it feel like to be loved not only for your brightest parts, but also for every wound, every flaw, and every dark side of yourself — even the ones you find too ugly to be accepted?

image source: pinterest

I would be lying if I said I never wished to experience those moments and feelings with the right person at the right time.

In fact, if I ever get to experience love in this life, I think it would feel like magic. I would probably be surprised that among billions of people in this world, I could somehow find the kind of love I’ve always wished for.

Still… I don’t know whether I’ll ever have the privilege to experience that kind of love. A love so sincere and pure that even living together on a deserted island would feel peaceful — like existing in our own little world.

But then again, the question remains: Would I find love, or would love find me?

And if one day I truly get the chance to love someone, I hope everything flows naturally. No unnecessary drama, no forcing things to work. I want love to enter my life gently, effortlessly, and sincerely.

I think I’m just tired of carrying this hope while never really finding the right person.

Sometimes I even wish that if love is never meant to find me in this lifetime, then please… erase this longing from my heart. Let me be content with myself and the people I already have.

It is heartbreaking, indeed.

But for now, let me process these thoughts and feelings. Let me sort them out slowly.

And maybe, as time goes by, I’ll eventually discover whether love will find me someday… or whether solitude will become the companion I learn to call home.

O.O — 22 May 2026