Remembering Carlotta

Remembering Carlotta

“Riding a Stutz Bearcat… those were different times” Lou Reed, Sweet Jane

“ She had no tolerance for scenes which were not of her own making. ” -Edith Wharton, The House of Mirth

Carlotta was a force of nature from a different time. Even her name evokes the past. Nowadays, at least in the U.S., who is named Carlotta? She steadfastly refused to bend a knee to what she considered to be contemporary vulgarity, but she never broadcasted her disappointment to a wide audience. She was never a prig, or a scold, or a snob. Ironically she had every opportunity to flaunt her blue-blooded credentials… she didn’t. She was who she was… take it or leave it. She might have had a front row seat to much of the history of 20th century America… but she was more interested in your story. She naturally knew the great lesson that is lost on many born into privilege… ALL people are simply…. people.

I remember the first time I visited her lakeside mansion. I went to boarding school with her daughter Holly, a person who shares her mother’s indomitable spirit, charm and good looks. The decor was formal, but comfortable and very much of an era when people dressed for the theater, dinner and travel. Carolotta put me at ease with a warm embrace and a presentation of an immaculately curated display of food. Carotta spent a great deal of time on details, both in herself and her household. The careful layout of the interior rooms extended to the grounds and her magnificent garden. Nothing was haphazard or unkempt. But most of all nothing felt strained. This was not a hostess whom you felt was running a marathon. It all came naturally. Being a fan of flowers she asked numerous questions about my work on my lilac farm but her curiosity extended to my spouse’s work in social services. Carlotta’s generation expected people to be civically engaged on many levels. Tend to EVERY guest at a party and think about your community in your professional life.

I suspect her sense of duty came from being the scion of a notable military family. Her father was a confidant of his West Point classmate, Gen. Dwight Eisenhower. Of course if I had relations of such standing, I would have relayed this fact to anyone within the first moments of introduction to establish my credentials. It is telling that with both Carlotta and Holly, the discovery was made…. in passing. I happened to notice an oil portrait of a military man displayed in the living room. It wasn’t simply that Carlotta’s dad was a general… the oil canvass was made by Eisenhower himself. Further conversation revealed that Carlotta personally knew the most storied military leaders from World War II: Patton, Bradley, Marshall…. These historical figures were her parents’ friends… and their children were her contemporaries. Once again these revelations were made after pressing her for details… for her this was simply how she grew up.

Carlotta in charge

She also let slip some details about her experience being with her father in post-war Germany. The conditions for the civilians were horrific with shortages of basic goods. Her mother organized a drive to get shoes for the local children which a young Carlotta played a part. I thought about that when I saw the debutant portrait of the mother in a formal gown. This was someone who knew glamor did not prevent her from trying to alleviate suffering of those less fortunate. Interestingly her young adulthood was marred by the horrific death of her father in a boat explosion on the Potomac after the war. The loss of a beloved father was made even more difficult by the unfavorable treatment of women at that time. Certainly the family had friends and status but they were vulnerable. Carlotta stood firm and went on to be the matriarch of a wonderful family.

Gen. Prichard, portrait by Eisenhower

She married a former naval intelligence officer who became a very successful business executive, ending up a Chairman of the Board of American Motors. Carlotta had a front row seat in post WWII American business dominance as she escorted her husband in many of his assignments in Europe and South America for such storied companies as Ford, STP, Singer and P&G. No doubt organizing these many transitions, while raising two children was something that was not formally recognized in that era. It was customary to refer to spouses with their husband’s name after the MRS…. I don’t know but I think Carlotta accepted the custom and did not dwell on the chauvinism. Contemporary people might see this as a fault but I am reminded of the matriarch, Aunt Emily, in Walter Percy’s The Moviegoer. There is a scene where she confronts her nephew and I can hear Carlotta in this riposte:

Our civilization has achieved a distinction of sorts. It will be remembered not for its technology nor even its wars but for its novel ethos. Ours is the only civilization in history which has enshrined mediocrity as its national ideal. Others have been corrupt, but leave it to us to invent the most undistinguished of corruptions. No orgies, no babies thrown off cliffs. No, we’re sentimental people and we horrify easily. True, our moral fiber is rotten. Our national character stinks to high heaven. But we are kinder than ever. No prostitute ever responded with a quicker spasm of sentiment when our hearts are touched. Nor is there anything new about thievery, lewdness, lying, adultery. What is new is that in our time liars and thieves and whores and adulterers wish also to be congratulated and are congratulated by the great public, if their confession is sufficiently psychological or strikes a sufficiently heartfelt and authentic note of sincerity. Oh, we are sincere. I do not deny it. I don’t know anybody nowadays who is not sincere. Didi Lovell is the most sincere person I know every time she crawls in bed with somebody else, she does so with the utmost insincerity. We are the most sincere Laodiceans who ever got flushed down the sinkhole of history. No, my young friend, I am not ashamed to use the word class. They say out there we think we’re better. You’re damn right we’re better. And don’t think they don’t know it.” -Aunt Emily, Walker Percy’s The Moviegoer

Maybe my assessment is wrong. Certainly Carlotta would never utter such a harsh sentiment out loud. The monologue captures the spirit of unwavering defiance in the face of an unrecognizable world, which is how I will always remember her. It is easy to focus on the out of date styling and old fashioned way of doing things… I, for one, cherish Carlotta’s sense of place and upholding their versions of “class”. She was a loveable blue-blood who, to quote Clark Gable, could “give a damn” about being perceived as “out of touch”.

Carlotta I will miss your wonderful holiday gatherings. The perfectly set table in the wonderfully designed glass porch with the fine cutlery, porcelain and flowers. The carefully arranged seating. Everyone taking note of your subtle affirmations/criticisms, and then following your discrete direction. I will miss your running the show. Even as your health issues made it difficult, there was never a doubt about who set the tone for those many wonderful gatherings. The sense of loss is immense as we are saying goodbye to both you as a person, and as our last tangible connection to a generation that lived through the Great Depression, WWII and Pax Americana…. As we face uncertain times we will miss your reassuring presence. You saw your share of turbulence and heartache…. But managed not only to survive but to thrive. You led by example…The perfectly coiffed hair, the pearls, the bespoke outfits, the unflagging politeness and warmth, were all familiar touchstones in an ever-changing world of unwelcome surprises. This Thanksgiving won’t be the same this year…. but I will give thanks for having known you. It is reassuring to known there was a time when polite society was… polite.