His heart found a new home. Are you still wandering?

In denial — that was me when I heard about his newfound love. Not because I was still holding on to the idea that we could be together again, but because part of me was still holding on to the love that used to be mine. But then, I realized the love he used to give me is not the same as the love he is giving now. He already outgrew the love he had for me, and it grew — not again — but into something new; maybe more beautiful. Not for me, but for someone new.

It was the ache of seeing the love you once had vanish before you could even let go of it. It was the ache of wondering where you could put the love you have for him because there’s no him anymore. It was the ache of remembering the ways he loved you, knowing he already outgrew the side of him that had love for you.

It was the ache of seeing him again, but he no longer has the eyes that look at you with love. It was the ache of looking at a person with the same name as someone you love — but they are not the same person. Not anymore. It was the ache of loving all the things you knew about him, only to have to unlearn the side of you that loves it all. It was the ache of being reminded of him by his favorites, only to remind yourself that maybe they aren’t his favorites anymore.

It aches. Not the kind of ache that wants to bring back what was lost, but the ache of acceptance for what cannot come back.

“He moved on. Have you?” I keep hearing this question. I want to answer proudly with a “Yes,” but somehow, I cannot. I am not yet fully healed, but I am healed enough. I cried after confirming it was true, but I am healed enough to pray for them afterward. I had us because I prayed for it, so I will let go of us with a prayer, too. Praying for his newfound love and beginning is the last love I could give — for him, for me, and for us.

Did the love go to waste? No. Not for me. The love we once shared made us the better people we are right now. It made him a better lover for his new one, and it made my relationship with God stronger. We survived the pain, we survived us, and I am proud of that.

And no, I am not wandering anymore, because I know now where my love truly belongs. This journey made me realize that I don’t need a man to love or to be loved. The absence of us does not mean there’s no love in my life. Only then did I realize what love really is. Love is letting the one you love, love again. Because that’s how it should be. Love exists in your friends, family, hobbies, and most importantly, the One who made us with love — God.

Yes, his heart found a new home. Me? My love found where it truly belongs.